I was just rereading a thing I wrote while subbing last Monday that I had planned on using for a blog. Then I got to the end of the entry and found a saying I copied off the wall in the office I was working in. It was a quote from Elenor Roosevelt that said: "You can gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face... You must do the thing which you think you can not do!" So much of my life is controlled by fear. And you know the silly thing is when I have faced a fear and fought back I did feel stronger, braver, and full of confidence for a little while at least till the next monster steps out of the closet. So how come fear has such a hold on my life, why am I so insecure and lost, feeling my life is a major balancing act and I am trying on a daily basis just to keep from falling and dieing. It's tiring. Something has to change soon.
So I bagged the thing I wrote on Monday and hopefully I can use old Elenors advice and start to pick away at what I think needs to be faced.
ttfn
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
I hate when I think of all these things I want to write
in my blog then sit down to write and can't think of a
thing.
Its play week so I am over tired and stressed out
which doesn't help. I love getting lost in play
week because all the other crap in my life gets
put on the back burner.
I am hoping that I can't make it through
the rest of the week with some type of
composure. I have a hard enough time
after Saturdays performance when I don't have
a graduating Senior. This year I do.
So for now I will flow through the week as
best as I can and put aside everything else
and try to enjoy it.
Opening night tomorrow night.
Break a leg!!!!
Peace, Love, and rock n roll.
ttfn
Saturday, March 08, 2008
It is a Saturday Morning and I am up. Everything that was suppose to happen this morning has been canceled because of the lovely weather outside. So instead of running around all day I get to relax and chill.
I feel like we have warped back to December. We got more snow yesterday and predicted for today then we got all winter I do believe. Not a good weekend for it to happen. But hopefully it is getting it out of its system and next weekend, play weekend, will be more spring like.
This years play will be an amazing accomplishment due to this stupid weather. They have missed quite a few rehearsals. I am charging up the camera and getting ready with a large box of hankies. No they aren't doing a sad play its the Music Man but it is another Last for my birthday boy. He is 18 today and the tears have begun and I fear will be there till September.
Life has been beyond crazy since last I blogged, which can be good and bad at the same time.
The hubby and I have still not been able to do any follow up to the big explosion a few weeks back. I know all the stuff is still there because it hits me every once in a while but the sting is not as bad. We are planning on a long weekend away just the 2 of us so maybe we can talk deeper then.
I worked all 5 days this week and I am pooped. But hopefully it will work out to a full time job so I can quit the insane job I have now. I have been subbing in the attendance office at a local school and I love it. As luck has it the present person is retiring this year and I have already made a very good impression. So for now it gives me something to focus on and when I have that I can do most anything if I know its only for a little bit longer.
This weather is insane I can hear the sleet hitting the outside wall of the house. Ian is suppose to have his Senior Ball tonight. Rented the tux and everything but its not looking good. Yeah they will reschedule it but what about the money he spent on the damn tux I know he isn't going to get a refund just because it was canceled. Oh well maybe the storm, which is earlier than they said, will peter out by 7 tonight. We can only hope.
Megan is all excited because she doesn't have to sit home after school anymore all by herself while daddy is sleeping and everybody else is out and busy. She has gotten the "6th grade manager" position for the modified swim team. She gets to practice with the team and go help at the meets. She is having a blast. It is making her brother mad to have his little sister around but to bad so sad. She wants to swim like her big sister.
I wish swimming was all year for Sara. She is like a duck out of water no pun intended when its not swim season. She does track both indoor and outdoor but swimming is her thing. She wants to do a swim camp this summer at Hartwick College with this awesome coach that did a weekend clinic for the team this year. I guess he is friends with her coach. We will have to see. She is trying to save everything she is making this year from work etc. But it is way out of her reach and we will have to see how things pan out for us. It so sucks if I didn't have to choose between her going to camp or say replacing my car. They will still do the local swim club just like every summer. She was talking the other day about getting a job this summer that could roll into the school year. I asked her when she planned on having time to work during the school year and still do everything she likes to do. I told her she will have plenty of time to work, the rest of her life as a matter of fact, and that school, sports, and activities were more important because your only in high school once. And you can't get the experiences back. We will work it out.
Ian got accepted at Fredonia and got his financial aid package so I believe unless something better from UB comes through he will probably be going there. He will be not so far away but far enough to feel like it. News flash he just got his acceptance letter from UB so stay tuned for further developments. But he is definitely going to college.
Sean was disappointed today because it was All County Chorus and they practiced for 4 hours yesterday only to have it canceled today. He even got one of the solos this year. That would have been tough for me I cry at those things as it is lol. Sean is swimming and in the play and doing a small production in the middle school coming up in June. He is a talented young man and the best thing about it is he doesn't flaunt it like some of the drama kings around here. I see great things in his future. If only he survives the teen attitude first. He has his first swim meet next week during the busiest week, play week. At least he will get to swim in more than just one meet this year. He missed out last year because of the play and being sick. He has worked hard this year and is excited about swimming. I think he is out growing his asthma also which is fantastic. He hasn't had to use his inhaler at all this swim season.
Well I am crawling back into bed because I can.
ttfn
I feel like we have warped back to December. We got more snow yesterday and predicted for today then we got all winter I do believe. Not a good weekend for it to happen. But hopefully it is getting it out of its system and next weekend, play weekend, will be more spring like.
This years play will be an amazing accomplishment due to this stupid weather. They have missed quite a few rehearsals. I am charging up the camera and getting ready with a large box of hankies. No they aren't doing a sad play its the Music Man but it is another Last for my birthday boy. He is 18 today and the tears have begun and I fear will be there till September.
Life has been beyond crazy since last I blogged, which can be good and bad at the same time.
The hubby and I have still not been able to do any follow up to the big explosion a few weeks back. I know all the stuff is still there because it hits me every once in a while but the sting is not as bad. We are planning on a long weekend away just the 2 of us so maybe we can talk deeper then.
I worked all 5 days this week and I am pooped. But hopefully it will work out to a full time job so I can quit the insane job I have now. I have been subbing in the attendance office at a local school and I love it. As luck has it the present person is retiring this year and I have already made a very good impression. So for now it gives me something to focus on and when I have that I can do most anything if I know its only for a little bit longer.
This weather is insane I can hear the sleet hitting the outside wall of the house. Ian is suppose to have his Senior Ball tonight. Rented the tux and everything but its not looking good. Yeah they will reschedule it but what about the money he spent on the damn tux I know he isn't going to get a refund just because it was canceled. Oh well maybe the storm, which is earlier than they said, will peter out by 7 tonight. We can only hope.
Megan is all excited because she doesn't have to sit home after school anymore all by herself while daddy is sleeping and everybody else is out and busy. She has gotten the "6th grade manager" position for the modified swim team. She gets to practice with the team and go help at the meets. She is having a blast. It is making her brother mad to have his little sister around but to bad so sad. She wants to swim like her big sister.
I wish swimming was all year for Sara. She is like a duck out of water no pun intended when its not swim season. She does track both indoor and outdoor but swimming is her thing. She wants to do a swim camp this summer at Hartwick College with this awesome coach that did a weekend clinic for the team this year. I guess he is friends with her coach. We will have to see. She is trying to save everything she is making this year from work etc. But it is way out of her reach and we will have to see how things pan out for us. It so sucks if I didn't have to choose between her going to camp or say replacing my car. They will still do the local swim club just like every summer. She was talking the other day about getting a job this summer that could roll into the school year. I asked her when she planned on having time to work during the school year and still do everything she likes to do. I told her she will have plenty of time to work, the rest of her life as a matter of fact, and that school, sports, and activities were more important because your only in high school once. And you can't get the experiences back. We will work it out.
Ian got accepted at Fredonia and got his financial aid package so I believe unless something better from UB comes through he will probably be going there. He will be not so far away but far enough to feel like it. News flash he just got his acceptance letter from UB so stay tuned for further developments. But he is definitely going to college.
Sean was disappointed today because it was All County Chorus and they practiced for 4 hours yesterday only to have it canceled today. He even got one of the solos this year. That would have been tough for me I cry at those things as it is lol. Sean is swimming and in the play and doing a small production in the middle school coming up in June. He is a talented young man and the best thing about it is he doesn't flaunt it like some of the drama kings around here. I see great things in his future. If only he survives the teen attitude first. He has his first swim meet next week during the busiest week, play week. At least he will get to swim in more than just one meet this year. He missed out last year because of the play and being sick. He has worked hard this year and is excited about swimming. I think he is out growing his asthma also which is fantastic. He hasn't had to use his inhaler at all this swim season.
Well I am crawling back into bed because I can.
ttfn
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