Furry Critters in my Life!!

Henry was looking for his Birthday present! My handsome boy turned 9 on Christmas day.

This is Megans Christmas present. He is her pride and joy. She named him Eddy after my dad and hasn't stopped smiling since she got him on the Saturday before Christmas. I couldn't fit him under the tree. He fits in well with the family and is holding his own against the posse of mares.

The posse of mares above Belle, Izzy, and Jenny. Below Miss Annie the mini.

This is the butter ball mini we are trying to find a home for. She is enjoying, for the moment, the fact that she is no longer the bottom of the herd chain and is chasing the poor boy Eddy around.

This is Lulu the barn cat she keeps everything ship shape in the barn.

The barn is my haven. It is where i go to get out and away. I like to just sit and listen to the horses munching on thier hay. Or just sit and converse with the horses and be apart of the herd for a while. I truly love these amazing animals and am glad I am able to have them in my life.I am looking forward to being able to ride with both my girls this spring sharing my love and knowledge with them.

Happy New Year to all here is to good health and happiness cheers.

ttfn

Happy New Year Too You!!!!!

Christmas is over and the New Year approaches. The last few months of this year have been really tough. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger right? So I am going into the new year like Wonder Woman. I have a lot to be grateful for amid the crap. My dear sweet oldest brother has helped me to remember this gratitude thing almost on a daily basis. He writes one ever night and sends them to the people he cares about to not only share how he is doing but to help us to remember it isn't all bad you just have to shine the light some times on those small daily blessings that usually get lost in the chaos.

Between bickering my children actually helped me to accomplish some things I wanted to get done in the barn to make the new addition to the family more comfortable. And they didn't complain to much about helping. That is amazing to me.

My eldest daughter took me out to the movies [one she was hoping she wouldn't see anyone she knows there] and not only paid for my ticket but bought me popcorn and candy. I got the oh mom why do you cry at a stupid spider dieing? My reply was genes, thanks to both parents that are and were sappy I am cursed/blessed with the crying thing at the drop of a hat.

I have been able to take vacation days this week so I can hang with my kids. Is it time for them to go back to school yet?

We got the pellet stove fixed finally today and it didn't cost as much as we were afraid it would. We finally found someone who doesn't try to soak you for repairs on something or parts.

I think this will be the first New Years eve that my Hubby isn't working and he will be home to spend it with us.

Other than colds and flu everyone is relatively healthy and safe.

So here is to a quiet New Year with lots of love and blessings for one and all. I am most thankful for the family and great friends in my life that have helped more than they can every know.

ttfn

Early Birds No More

Christmas morning I awoke at 6am to go out and take care of the horses before opening presents with the kids. I expected to find them waiting on the couch. Nope. The only one up was my wonderful hubby who had made coffee and was preheating the oven for my traditional Monkey Bread coffee cake we have every Christmas morning. So I went out to the barn to feed the horses and our barn cat Lulu. I wished them a Merry Christmas and gave them a treat and proceeded back inside. When I walked in the door my hubby looked at me with tears in his eyes saying the kids aren't babies anymore. We are going to have to wake them up aren't we? 7:45am Sean awakens and comes downstairs said the smell of Monkey bread woke him up. I went up to see what was up with the other 3 and found them asleep snuggling in Ian's bed with their stockings. They must have come down earlier and taking the stockings. I went down to get the camera to take a picture but the dog licked their faces and I missed out on a great picture. They were overwhelmed and surprised with the gifts they received because we hadn't told them about the money the Christmas angel had sent so they could have something to open on Christmas morning.[Thanks again]. We had our breakfast and I got my nap. Then the boredom set in and all the peace and love of the day went out the window. I have come to the conclusion that the kids especially one in particular needs to be busy at all times. So here is to surviving the rest of vacation and making it to the new year. I hope everybody had a wonderful Christmas and your New Year is a safe and happy one.
ttfn

Merry Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas Eve and the house is so quiet.
The hubby took three of the kids to the movies as a treat.
Ian and I stayed home he is asleep with a bad head cold and
I wasnt much in the mood for a movie still recovering from a
root canal gone wrong. Of course i could be resting but I have to keep
going out to check on Megs Christmas present. The pony came early
he wasnt suppose to come till Tuesday but he seems to be fitting in okay so
far and Megan is so excited. I wanted to wait till Tuesday because we are going to my brothers christmas eve afternoon and I am now going to be even more stressed when we go worrying about the pony. I really didn't want to go to my brothers again this year but my sisters kids and their kids are going to be there too so I want to go and see those cute little munchkins of my nephews.

This has been another banner week of punches to the stomach. We were hopeing that we could get Daves pickup fixed so we could use it as a second vehicle for now. No such luck for the second time in a week my poor hubby had to say goodbye to one of his vehicles. The frame was too rusted to be able to pass inspection. Then I went to the dentist for a root canal on Thursday and ended up, after alot of pain, having the tooth pulled. GRRRRRRR. Plus the mortgage company was suppose to call us by Thursday afternoon about the apraisal and they never did. We now have to wait till Tuesday to find out where we stand. Oh and the pellet stove decided to pull a hissy fit and need a replacement part that we cant get till Wednesday. I am figuring that we are getting all the crap out of the way and the New Year will be full of one blessing after another.

Well here is to surviving Christmas Eve and onto a quiet Christmas Day with some presents under the tree thanks to my Christmas Angel. I love my family and friends and wouldnt be able to make it in this life without them. I am blessed with great love, Healthy children, and a life to live to the fullest. Merry Christmas to all and a Happy New Year. Remember every time a bell rings an angel gets its wings.
ttfn

The Weekend revisited

I found the cable. We had a busy weekend getting ready for an appraisal on Monday and several things got done and it was am early Christmas present for me. First my ceiling in the living room was fixed and it was pretty easy to do and looks great. Then the miracle of miracle happened all four kids rooms where clean at the same time. I am no longer afraid to go upstairs or walk into the rooms to wake children up in the morning. Woo Hoo.

We begin with the oldest room. He didn't even accept the money offered to get his room done. He is happy because now he can use his table to set up his figures to paint.

Next we move onto the artists room. She is happy because it gives her more space to spread out to make her master pieces.

Seans room still needs some work he is in the in between stage of big boy little boy and can't decide if he can part with his toys that he doesn't play with anymore.

Last but not least is the youngest room and it the biggest miracle she did most of the cleaning herself.

So the real test is if it stays clean for longer than 10 minutes. Megans room is already showing signs of messiness but I will be happy for it to stay good till after Daves family comes down on the 30th. So until then stay tuned to this bat channel for future updates.

ttfn

wheres the cable

I wanted to post yesterday but the day disapeared from me. today i am so tired as i type my eyes are snapping shut. I have pictures i took this weekend of our before and after cleaning and ceiling repair but cant find the cable to my camera to down load the damn pictures. Well i am alive and well barely it was a long and produtive weekend and we will find out soon how we did.
ttfn

Bad Ass

I went to the local tattoo parlor to see about getting my ears pierced so I could maybe look a little more feminine. Well of course he didn't have the simple ear gun oh no I got the whole speech on how bad they were and the damage they cause. He uses 16 gauge needles to do his ears. GULP. I saw this big freakin needle and thought great, what have I gotten myself into and am I going to throw up and or faint.
I was a little iffy on the size of the ring and the ball.
They were a little to goth for me but what the heck.
So now my teenagers are telling me they look bad ass.
I am assured that they mean it in a cool way. I was going
for the feminine look not the I wanna kick your butt look.
Of course the whole time we were there [I took my two oldest
with me for moral support] they kept asking if they could get
a small tattoo. HO HO HO> that would be a death in the family, me, and a divorce, me also. Beside the guy won't do tattoos on anyone under 18 even with parental consent. He is a smart man. My husband does not like any type of piercing or tattoos stating no self mutilation for ornamentation. So the kids will have to wait till they are 18 and out of the house. As for me who knows first the radical haircut now the earrings maybe a small tattoo could top off the total make over. Stay tuned.

ttfn

HO HO HO

I have a whole 45 minutes till i have to run out the door again. When all I want to do is crawl into bed. Isn't Happening!!!!

This time of year has always been the worst for me. When the time changes and the sun starts to go down at 4pm the depression usually sets in. I have to say for the past 5 years I have been able to fight the downward spiral and stay pretty even keel. This year is a fight once again. Once that sprial starts it is hard to pull up. My body shuts down and fights me every inch of the way.

Of course you always have the family drama this time of year to add to the fun. I don't see or speak to most of my family all year and then Christmas time rolls around and the drama begins.
I can usually repel the crap flung around but this year is showing signs of hits. I know I may lose control and say something and not be my mild mannered self aka rug wipe your feet. It was apparent at work the other day when i came within inches of telling my boss to fuck off. My job sucks and i could spend a whole entire blog on it but lets just say i work for a passive aggressive person[my mother figure] and she knows i won't fight back so she steps over the line often because she can. The other women that have had my job before me walked over her so im a nice change of pace.

I don' know what i want to be when i grow up but i sure not going to be doing this job forever. I called the local college yesterday and I think i may get my feet wet taking a course or 2 that i get college credit for. The lady at the college said i should jump in with both feet but I of course laughed saying gee, how, I guess i could give up sleeping and eating both of which are highly over rated. So for now i will put up with the job from hell and "build my resume" as my hubby puts it so i can move on when i grow up.

So I am ho ho ho - ing on my way and hoping i survive.
ttfn

Christmas Angel

This weekend started out looking like same crap different weekend. I have been sick as a dog with the flu since thursday and had several commitments this weekend. Sean had a wrestling tournament on Saturday, Ian had to go to the doctor on friday becuase his ear hurt turned out to be an infection. Sara had her big sleep over she had been planning for weeks, Mother in law and friend coming down for a thing Ian was doing on saturday night etc. etc. etc. But the mail came on Saturday and a suprise from a very good friend was in it. First I cried then I was in shock then I was able to breath for the first time in months. It will help to make a merry christmas for the kids and keep us going till we figure out our mortgage mess.

I got yelled at from my chiropractor that I need to go to the doctor myself and just get checked out. Maybe I will. I am always so busy doing all this other stuff not allowing myself to be sick and its to the point where i cant ignore it anymore. Well i have the chance to actually crawl back into bed for a little while and recharge, I hope, for the rest of the events of this Monday.

Thank you Christmas Angel. ttfn

Ghosts from the Past

Okay I am up on a Saturday morning at 6:30am because kids need a ride to practices and to get ready for the big wrestling meet this morning. So how come I'm still the only one moving at 7:15.

I had some vivid dreams last night between squeals from the slumber party going on in the other room. I am trying very hard to remember them but like most dreams they are gone before you even stretch and scratch. The players were all people I knew and are dead. My father being the main character. I have been having alot of dreams about my father lately. Some of him being very disappointed in me and shaming me like he did so well when he was alive. But last night was different I felt like he was trying to help me. Trying to lead me to something that would make every thing alright. Then my friend Jackie also doing the same thing. Then my dog sophie. I felt like I was being visited by the ghost of christmas past. Would I make that comparision if it wasn't Christmas time? Anyway we would just about reveal what it was and I would wake up or switch people. GRRRRRRRRRRRR. What the hell was it? Thanks for nothing. I know what would solve my problems or at least some of them but who knowns if that was what they were trying to tell me. Maybe I will be lucky and dream again tonight.

Well on to my busy day of family and events. Hopefully I will remember the camera so I can put pictures of the boys on here tomorrow in their outfits for the day.
ttfn

I Love........

I have been trying very hard to focus on the positive things in my life in the last week or so to save myself from a total break down. In normal circumstances it is easy to do but i am so worn down that its a struggle to even think of anything beyond the obivious. I must be pretty bad becuase the husband is being the voice of the glass is half full lately not me. Now that is an amazing thing in itself. I of course love my kids but beyond that its a stretch.

We are trying to deal with the company that screwed us over with our mortgage right now and the pit of my stomach is saying be wary. Unfortunately we have to see if we can work things out with them becuase no one else is willing to touch us until we get more equity in the house. I wish we could go back to the barter system. I am feeling very trapped in almost every part of my life right now and the usual response is to crawl into bed and never get up again. But life goes on and I am no longer single and able to retreat like i use to.

I have my swimming which keeps me moving both physically and mental for now. I even went this morning with a 102 fever and a nasty sore throat. Took the day off from work to help recoup from this lovely cold I have and ended up taking kids to the doctor and running other peoples kids to different events this afternoon and cleaning for a party tonight and my Mother in law spending the night tomorrow. Sara is having a sleep over tonight and i am the official taxi service. Tomorrow isnt boding well either for any type of respite for me to collapse. Thank goodness for Sundays. That is the day of the week that i usually collapse and sleep all day long. I guess when they are all grown and gone i will miss this craziness but right now im just exhausted. Welcome to mother hood of teenagers.
ttfn

Meet, Meet, Meet am I at the right Meet!!!

Swim season has begun again. Ian had a meet on tuesday then another yesterday. The season opener was a big win then wednesday they had to swim against livonia and of course they creamed us. Now on tuesday Ians coach could have had a high score on the board and totally blown away the other team but instead the meet ended up 46 to 48 because he drew back and didnt humilate the other team. fast forward to livonia. 109 to 67 enough said. The coach for dansville is a great guy, he is fantastic with the kids and pushes them just enough to improve but not enough for them to hate him or swimming. He is competitive but fair. I am so glad that he is thier coach and teacher and not the guy from livonia.

Ian is already showing signs of disappointment. He has a great stroke his flip turns are good and he is improving in his stream line but he has alot of drag and this is the only excercise/sport he does all year. the other guys for the most part do a sport before and after swimming. But Ian jumps in and doesnt give himself enough time to get really conditioned before he gives up on himself. I dont expect him to be a great athlete but he doesnt even give himself a chance. He will stick it out because he enjoys the guy thing. And i will continue to go and cheer him on to the end. The play is coming up soon for him and that is where he is in his element.

Sean had another meet yesterday to that i didnt get to go to because of that cloning thing not possible to be 2 places at once. His record is now 1 win 4 losses. The other schools just dont have any 7th graders his size to wrestle so he ends up wrestling a guy on his team in one match that is 8th grade and about 30 pounds bigger than him and he said the second guy last night was close to his team mates size also. Big tournament on saturday and i am hoping he will be paired with someone more his ablility. Gramma is coming down to watch and dad will be there too. He is getting discouraged also and i pump him up saying its only your first year most of these guys have been doing sports since they were little and you have some catching up to do. by the end of the school year after doing 5 sports he will be unstoppable i told him.

Sara had her first indoor track meet on saturday that i missed because my car blew up and she did great. The coach moved her up to varsity becuase they needed someone fast for a 4 by 800 relay team and he put her in the 600 also. The relay team didnt do to well but she came in second in the 600 and already qualifid for sectionals in her first race. Amazing for someone who hates to run.

MY day off is being spent cleaning the house getting ready for Sara's big sleep over on friday. omg i am going to have 8 teenage girls in the house. Calgon take me away. I guess i should stop procrastinating and hop to it.
ttfn

Date

I went on a date this afternoon. It was a nice escape to the movies to watch beautiful places and fabulous horses running through the beautiful places. My friend figured I could use a day out and invited me on Saturday and I jumped at the chance. She also had a you think your life is bad right now story for me about a mutual person we know. She just recovered from breast cancer and her husband was just diagnostic with a brain tumor and is having surgery on Monday. This couple is amazing they take life as it comes and are so zen. If you look hard enough you will find someone that has a worse life then you but that still doesn't diminish what is going on in your life. My problems are just as important than anyone's else's. I am not going to feel guilty. I have a right to feel my feelings and feel overwhelmed by what is going on in my life. I have always put other peoples problems a head of mine. Trying to fix them so I didn't have to look at my mess then come back and surprise its still there and hasn't gone anywhere its just got bigger. I wish I could have the zen attitude about everything and take things as they come and sometimes I can when its a thing here or there but lately its been 5 things a day. High waves pummeling you one after the other after the other. I feel bruised and battered and really tired. But I am still putting one foot in front of the other because logically I know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and I will hopefully get there eventually without taking any dangerous detours. TTFN

Where is the closest bridge?

well i decided nobody ever reads this anyway so i can write what ever i want. Its a good thing my car blew up today because i would probably be out getting drunk right now. Yeah the cars radiator hose [of course the part of it you cant reach or change yourself] blew on my hubby on his way back from going down to the hardware store to get piping to fix the pellet stove one of our main sources of heat that was bellowing out smoke when he got home for his per diem job at the hospital. He was suppose to get a buy back on his vacation time he didnt use so we could maybe have something for christmas and that didnt show up in his check he got thursday and now if it does we will have to use it to fix my car and the stove. I just payed our new payment on our new ammount on our mortgage that will kill us in a few months if you cant find someway to refinace and its fucking christmas foll lalalalalalalalalala. My job sucks and is driving me insane from boredom and stupidity. My hair continues to fall out even though i shaved my head my period was two weeks late and chose today to start, i am missing my daughters first track meet and my nephews play and im cold. Tell me why its worth it? oh right there is one of the reasons sittin next to me at his fathers computer blowing out his eardrums with head phones playing his game. another is up stair sleeping and offered his paycheck to pay for my car repair. another is in the kitchen making apple crumble for everybody and the other is on a bus on her way to hobart college for her first indoor track meet racing on a varsity relay team and she is only a freshman and im not there to see it. What ever happend to things hitting in threes the past few months its been 3x12 for crap sake. my kids are my life line they are the only reason i chose to breath right now. I figure i have about 10 more years to find something else to breath for because they arent always going to be around to keep me alive.
life so totally sucks right now. so i must do what i am thank ful for list tonight to focus on something else or i will be tipping a few back by tomorrow.
ttfn

ouch

Sean didn't do as well this time at his meet on Thursday. He had two matches against two guy that were about 20 pounds heavier and at least a foot taller and eighth graders to boot. To say the least he was pinned both times in less than 10 seconds. Have to give him credit because the first match the guy kneed him in the forehead on the way down to the pin and he was seeing stars but still went on to try again in the final match of the day. I am hoping he doesnt want to wrestle because im not so sure I like it as a sport to be a spectator at. You go and sit around for like three hours to watch your son wrestle for 20 seconds. Even if they are good and go the whole round its only 3 minutes tops. He has decided to try basketball in between wrestling and swimming so that will make a total of 5 sports the boy is trying this year. What doesnt kill him will make him stronger haha.

Sara has her first indoor track meet on saturday and I won't get to go to it. To far to travel and just dont have the money to spend on the gas to go to all these meets and games and such. I hate to have to pick and choose but thats how the cookie crumbles. She will be just running this time not quite ready for pole vaulting yet. I will difinatly be there when she vaults for the first time. I wonder if it will freak me out as much as when she did diving in modifid swimming the first year. I hope not.

Ian's first swimming meet is Tuesday and then followed by thier second one on Wednesday. It will be a brutal week for him. He seems to be more into the swimming this year then he was last year. I hope its more enjoyable for him and he meets his personal goals this year.

I tried to swim my cares away this morning. I wanted to see if i could swim for 30 minutes without stopping and see how far i could go. I ended up going 1250 in 32 minutes. At 30 minutes i only had 2 more lengths of the pool to make it an even 50 so i went 32 minutes. I love swimming i wish i could stay in the water forever. It takes my mind off crap and my body feels less painful while floating. But then comes the time to climb out of the pool to face the day and as i climb up the ladder the weight reasserts itself and onward i plod. That weight lately has become almost unbearable I just wanna dive in and stay forever. ttfn

DUDE

He the man!!!!. I experienced my first wrestling
match yesterday. Sean is on to his second sport for the year and it was pretty neat. He took his opponent down and pinned him in 40 seconds.
It was amazing. The kid he was wrestling with was at least 15 pounds heavier. Yeah Sean.

The wall has a crack in it so i will only be talking
about my kids for awhile. ttfn

Swim

This is where I spend three mornings a week at 6:30am till about 7:15. I love swimming and will even get up at the ungodly hour of 6:30am to do it. It's my time. I think it is about the only thing I do for myself on a regular basis. We had Wed. and Fri. off last week because of Thanksgiving break so this morning was hell. I even was good and took walks and spent time outside because it was so warm and beautiful this weekend but its not the same I guess.

I hung out with my youngest yesterday for most of the afternoon. She pestered me till I agreed to put her up on one of the horses for a while and we played with and brushed the other ones.She has a want and desire to ride. She is like her mom she likes to go out and do chores in the barn. She would rather shovel horse crap then empty the dishwasher. We then took the puppy for a walk. She is so full of energy and is a typical girl that chats non stop about nothing and everything. I think that was the most time we have had to spend together in a long while. She is the forgotten child right now because she is still to young to partisapate in sports so she is lost in the shuffle of running around for the other three. I miss hanging with her. She is so funny to listen to and her thoughts are amazing. I realized since starting to work we dont have the afterschool time to hang before the siblings get home like we use to. I guess I need to find those little niches to fit our time together.

I know this beautiful weather won't last but it was nice while it did. ttfn

Kids Do The Darnest Things!

Children!!!!! They bring you joy and happiness and then turn around and pop the bubble. My kids, i believe, think i am stupid. That i cant possibly understand how they are feeling. Cant possibly know what they are thinking. Now that is far from the truth. My life was the perfect picture on the outside but step in the door behind that white picket fence and you have now entered hell. We have shared bits and pieces from our pasts with the older two when trying to make a point. We have a situation the other day that tore my heart. I won't get into details but lets just say they did something they shouldnt have and got caught and I reacted like it was my life all over again. But wait, the wisdom of my 14 yr old slapped me in the face. Things are different this time. They have loving parents that are aware most of the time and paying attention, and they are both alot stronger than i ever was at that age. We all need to make our own mistakes even when givin warnings and advice from someone who has been there. I just hope that this one time getting caught will be enough to make them think twice as hard next time in the same situation. You think you are watching and involed and aware of everything your kid is doing but you can never be totally sure 100 percent of the time you can only try to make sure they arent some place they shouldnt be with somebody they shouldnt be with. In the mean time they will look for ways to fool you so they can do those dumb ass things that they always get caught at. We tried to explain it to them you are a kelly/obrien and your gonna get caught its the law. We were tell stories to our day after thanksgiving dinner guest about the stupid pet trick our kids have pulled over the years. Like the burning of the couch and meg's trip down the hill in the pickup truck just to mention a few big ones. Its amazing what they have survived so far so lets hope those guardian angels stay on duty.ttfn

Happy Turkey Day

Here I sit preparing myself to face family today. I am mostly spending the day with the favored side of the family but still I keep saying I dont wanna go. I really dislike this time of year. It use to be my favorite time of year. I think most of it is that I muck it up for myself. I feel like the poor stupid relations. Cant seem to get it right always messing up. I feel it more when i am with my family though then my hubbys. I wish i didnt care what they think but i do. This year is gonna be especially rough. We have begun to recieve the christmas list for the family and we dont even know how the hell we are gonna buy our own kids stuff let alone the families kids. And of course to admit it to them they would understand but i dont. The holidays are hard enough but then we have financial things going on which im not sure we can pull out of this time and the kids are doing things we hoped they would never do and the animals are getting the neighbors pissed off etc. etc. etc. One thing at a time please. They say what doesnt kill you makes you stronger well im not feeling very strong right now i am fighting hard to keep myself above the fog and the deep water. I am stronger than i was years ago but am i strong enough to survive this.? I was thinking back about the problems that i had that got me to AA and how simple those problems seem. I am hoping if i survive this that i will look back in 20 years and feel the same way. So in the mean time i will go and smile and pretend life is good and eat turkey with the family.
P.S Anyone interested in a dog. We have to get rid of her before the neighbor shoots her. ttfn

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder!

Here she is miss america. I had my first full day of being out in public with my head shaved. Its interesting the response, or should i say lack there of, you get from people you know. My good friend Barb of course told it like it is and said its awful we should get you some nice bandana's to wear or some cute hats. People at work just ignored the fact but you could tell they wanted to ask. Well it will grow back hopefully and think of all the money i will save on shampoo in the mean time.
ttfn

My Life is playing out in front of me and i am an innocent bystander with a broken remote.

Did you ever feel so numb that you wondered if you are real or not. Thats how i felt yesterday.

Its the weekend once again and i am resisting the urge to go back to bed and stay there till monday. But it could be worse i could be a poor deer today. Its opening day here for shotgun. Run bambie run.

I was having a conversation with my doctor yesterday and she was asking what i was doing to cut down on the stress in my life as my hair continues to fall out. I told her i was trying to avoid the pit falls of lack of sleep, eating badly, and all those other things that suck you deeper. But she said and i know, stress for women/mothers is different. We always do things to help the others around us survive even though we logically know the smart thing to do is take care of ourselves first so we are better able to take care of the ones in our lives. She used the analogy of the oxygen mask on the airplane. But mothers/women are not wired that way. A friend sent me a poem in an email that states this perfectly.

One Flaw In Women
Women have strengths that amaze men.
They bear hardships and they carry burdens,
but they hold happiness, love and joy.
They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy
and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in.
They stand up to injustice.
They don't take "no" for an answer
when they believe there is a better solution.
They go without so their family can have.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally.
and cheer when their friends get awards.
They are happy when they hear about
a birth or a wedding.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They grieve at the loss of a family member,
yet they are strong when they
think there is no strength left.
They know that a hug and a kiss
can heal a broken heart.
Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.
They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you
to show how much they care about you.
The heart of a woman is what
makes the world keep turning.
They bring joy, hope and love.
They have compassion and ideas.
They give moral support to their
family and friends.
Women have vital things to say
and everything to give.
HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,
IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH!

So for now i am satisfid that the kids are great, the hubby is sorta happy, and the animals are mostly healthy. And i can live with my major butch hair cut for now.

ttfn

PS Sara not only did well in the sectionals for swimming but her relay team broke the school record so her name is now on the board in the pool area. Way cool.

STRESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

I am on the verge of finding out what i will look like with no hair. Another piece fell out closer to the front and I set head shaving for when a piece in front falls out and it looks better shaved then patches of bald. I dont think it really bothers me that its falling out. I look at it as a choice between me falling apart and ending up in the loonie bin again or my hair doing the falling apart for me. I would choose the hair. Stress is a powerful thing. I believe, in my life, stress can be summed up as the great controller. All I hear from silly people is "well the answer is simple get the stress out of your life". Then i ask okay tell me how. Silence. Things will work out because they have to work out right? They always have in the past. Granted we have never been this bad off before with no trap door in site but it will work out. Then lets add in this time of year. OH how i hate this time of year. So for now i will do what i do best stress, and put one foot in front of the other till i cant anymore. Or maybe i will choose door #2.
ttfn

do i really need to give every blog a title?

Giving my posts titles is to much pressure. Most of the time i just ramble on and wander very far from the title subject or i feel a block after thinking of a title. Solution: write the blog then decide what to title it. Oh shut up comes to mind right now.

My husband suprised me and made a change. Depending how you look at it it can been seen as a big one or a small one. He tends to be comfortibly uncomfortible most of the time anyway and likes the same ole same ole. He had an opportunity to switch his full time job [he has two jobs at two different hospitals] to his per diem hospital and his per diem job to his full time hospital. Big move for him. So he took it. He weighed all the pros and cons of both and decided the 100 dollars a paycheck less would be worth the move. This way when, not if, his car self destructs his full time positions is closer and it will be easier to be a one car family for a while. One of the reasons he felt it would be a good move is because it gives him more time to sleep and be able to do things like go to sporting events etc. That to me is a bigger change then the job move. I think he is finally realizing that he is missing so much and the kids are getting so much older and will be gone soon. He figured he couldnt use the excuse of i have to work so much to keep the family afloat anymore. There is always time for both if its really important to you. I saw the first realization of this in his face when he was watching his son's football game and the excitment and joy in his eyes was priceless. Well there is hope always hope. ttfn

update

The my daughters swim team did awesome. It was an amazing day and i lost my voice again. Sara took 4 seconds off her 500free time ending the season with a 6:02;19 woo hoo. She Placed 7th in the 200 free and her relay team took 2nd. The relay team also broke a school record so now her name is up on the board in the pool area. The team took 2nd place honors out of 14 teams. And as I look at it they took first becuase the first place team shouldnt even be in our division so i am beaming with pride, mustang pride. Its been an overly long day and i am off to dream land.
ttfn

Nerves over stress any day!!

Today I get to trade stress for nerves. I will enjoy the break. I am heading out the door to watch my amazing daughter compete in sectionals this year. She just missed out last year and was very disappointed. This year she is in the top 8 for the 200 free style and she is in the top 10 for the 500 free style. Her relay team also finished 3rd in the prelims on Tuesday so it should be an exciting day all around. I have seen this young lady grow and mature and I owe alot of that to sports. It gave her the outlet she needed to vent some of that energy she was using to resist life. I get emotionally involved and cheer for all the girls. I am one of those annoy parent/fans that is screaming loudly the whole time. If you dont like it move because I am not shutting up. So I can leave the stress of mortgages and hair falling out and job sucking at home and go be the proud, obnoxiously loud cheering parent for a few hours and realize thats why I do what I do as best as I can day by day. Rah Rah Real Fans Wear Red and Black Go Varsity Girls Swimming.

Siblings Are Great [NOT]

Okay so my youngest son was the only one not on my blog so fair is fair. Here is what steve erwin would have called a freak of nature, a rare occurance. They rarely get along and can't stand being in the same space together. My daughter just cant resist stirring the poop and stoking the fire. My son is the king of over reactors. Well she better beware he is doing 4 sports this year and one of them is wrestling and he is learning the moves. I will enjoy a good laugh when he first pins her to the floor and has won.
ttfn

Reason #1

Okay third time is the charm. I have written this now 3 times and the first two didnt post just the picture so we will see. This is one of the reasons i breath every day. There are 5 main reasons and several side reasons i get out of bed every morning. They have smiles that melt me and attitude that piss me off. I would do anything for them and would fight to the death to protect them. I never considered myself a strong person. I do now. I have faced many a challenge over the past 45 yrs. Things right now suck big time but i keep telling myself we always come out the other side. Maybe a little scraped up and bruised but we do. I try as the term seems to fit since my name is suzy to be little suzy sunshine but its really hard some times. I am a worryer and obcessor. I think i topped myself this time with my hair falling out though. But the suzy sunshine side is i have always wondered what i would look like with a bald head. So as the sun slowly sets in the west, they lived happily ever after. the end. Oh that reminds me i have to tuck the horses in.

ttfn

girls

Where did the time go? These are two of my babies. Now they are sassy females that try thier best to drive me crazy. I have 2 of each sex. Boys are definately easier to work with. But girls can be your best friend at times because you know each other without even trying. They all have thier subtle way of manipulating me with out me realizing it till its to late. I guess im a glutton for punishment becuase most of my animals are female too. Most people I know prefer male horses over female but not me. The female horses are more interesting due to thier unpredictiblity and the fact that they bond deeper with the owner then geldings. I have mostly female dogs also. They are loyal but also a hint of independence. I am not quite sure where this thought process is going or why It popped into my head. Maybe it was the email from my oldest daughters english teacher telling me that an essay i was told was turned in in fact has not been turned in. She of course is off at a sleepover and i can not beat her till after swim practice tomorrow. I love my daughters and i am told i will appreciate their attitude and strong will when they are 25 and on thier own becuase i know i have raised strong daughters that can stand up for themselves and take care of themselves. But until then god help me.
ttfn.

The Past

I have found myself spending alot of time thinking about the past lately. Trying to focus on all the care free stupid stuff i did as a teenage mostly. Things as they say seem so much simplier then. Telling my kids about the things we use to do on halloween and devils night, campfires, horseback rides in the snow. All those things I use to have time for in my life. I read my friends blog every day almost and she brings back alot of memories good and bad for me. So I dug out a poem she wrote for me when i was like 17 and hopefully she wont sue me for publishing it in my blog.

ODE TO SUZY

by Sara W.

There once was a girl name Sue

Who sat home the whole day thru;

She was quiet and lonely

and thought she was homely

till someone showed her this was untrue

You see, one day, while laying down some hay

someone came up and said "will chris be here today?"

That was the start of her happiness,

and the end of lonlyness;

or at least thats when she started drinking & smoking

inhaling all the way;

then there was Matt,

who I might add, is really a brat,

asked suzy out to a movie

which made the romantic feelings stir in suzy

But she realized he was a "pheow" and that was the end of that;

then there was a night in the hotel room

where suzy did a lot of "fall down, go boom",

this is where she proved her mouth runs like a motor

which did turn up her past like a garden rotor,

bringing out skeletons from her secrets room,

then, after working at Star, she refound scott

who even though she did not know, liked her alot,

even now that she has her true love in life,

she keeps on saying she'll never become a wife,

but still i fear i might lose that special friendship for a

husband named scott

I love looking back at silly stuff like this to escape life in the present. Life right now really sucks so i have been spending alot of time in the past. I am glad i am one of those people that save silly little things like the above poem not only becuase of who wrote it but as a passage way to a sillier time in my life. Don't get me wrong i would never go back and relive my teen or early twenties for all the tea in china but its good to know there is at least some good stuff that is there worth remembering. Like thank god i never married scott. So i guess for now going back is better than getting drunk so sara thanks for the memories.

ttfn

Holloween

Its the day before Holloween and I haven't had to make a costume this year. That is really sad to me. The two older children don't trick or treat they just wander around the village with shaving cream and have some harmless teen fun. I am not sure what my 12 year old is doing and my baby put her own costume together with a little help from big sis. I know I will still be marching around the village tomorrow night from 6 to 8 because sorry 10 and even 12 is too young to set them loose by themselves [can you hear the oh mom].
I use to love holloween as a kid, My mother would spend the month before creating costumes for us and she and a neighbor would sew and paint what ever we were to be. The traditional holloween meal before going out to trick or treat was pigs in a blanket. Then you had the candy check which i now know was the parents way of helping themselves to your candy while sounding all protective and heroish about it. I can still remember my oldest childs first trick or treat experince like it was yesterday. First the fear and them the wow i get candy face. We didnt even get pumpkins this year. I guess i will have to go by myself and get one so i can at least cook the seeds.
ttfn

Boring

My life must be boring. I can't seem to come up with interesting things to write. But then i realized that I have been censoring myself. Not writing what I really feel afraid that it would be stupid or hurt someones feelings. If its my feelings should i feel responsible for how it makes others feel?
ttfn

Ping Pong Ball

I would never have felt that one could function as exhausted as I am right now. I went from morning swim [6;30am] to work and right to a football game after work then on to the high school open house to meet my two oldest childrens teachers. This I had to do on my own. My oldest got high jacked by the swim coach to come into the pool and help with the swim club and my daughter was no where to be found. Silly me I should have looked in the art room first. I love going to these open houses and talk to the teacher and make that parental face which says "are we talking about the same child". My children have always used their good side at school and out in public and save the ugly side for me and home. I guess thats a good thing that it is that way and not the other or bad in both places. I have great kids. They all have their own unique talents.

I both look forward to this time of year and loath it at the same time. I am the all time swim team fan and I have 3 season in a row this year. I now have added football to my cheering resume even though I don't care for the sport much. When your kid is playing it just doesn't matter. My children are also usually involved in the plays but that too is time consuming and exhausting. Some may say I am an over involved mom but I like, no I need to be. I don't want to miss a minute of it. Nothing could replace seeing your child make his first tackle and the smile that follows or when your daughter breaks her 500fr time by 7 seconds those are things money can't buy or replace.

It was so much easier when only one at a time was partisipating in a sport. Next month I will have 3 of them doing 3 different sports. This is when cloning would come in real handy. I hate having to decide which thing to go to when they have a game or meet on the same day. I already made it clear if they are doing something outside and another is doing something inside and its cold guess which one I'm gonna pick. Hopefully this will push them to choose indoor sports in the fall and winter and outdoor ones in the spring.

I figure they are only young for such a short time that there will be time for me when they are grown and off on there own. So I will keep working my mind numbing job, of course keeping my eye open for something else as I go along, and wait to get those bills payed off after those smiles and moments in time are over. Oops forgot about the grandkids. Oh well. ttfn

Notebook

I was watching a red tail hawk flying in the crisp blue sky last evening while cooking dinner out on the grill. Two of my favorite things to do by the way. As i watched, as some birds will do, a crow began to dive bomb the hawk to i assume make it move away from something the crow was trying to protect. It has always amazed me that hawks with there far superior ability to fly and thier razor sharp talons allow these smaller birds to push them around. Instead of attacking back the hawk will generally fly away till the other bird backs off. Some times i feel like the hawk other times i feel like the crow. I usaually go through out my day minding my own business and avoiding conflict. Side stepping it when people get hot or in my face. Other times though im like the crow. Trying my best to protect the ones i love,(or the chocolate im eating), from preditors. You would think one would envy the hawk, not me i envy the crow.

Amok Amok

Okay so why do we do stupid things when our emotions and moods are already out of control and running amok. For instants why the hell I'm I sitting here typing in my blog when I should be in bed. My day has gone from one end of the emotion spectrum to the other and back again. I hate the extremes. Last week I was feeling like strong woman, secure enough to actually follow through and apply for a new job. I am an intellegent woman I screamed I can be doing more with my life. Fast foward to this week and I feel like the lost soul I usually do, going through and doing the things I need to do to survive and keep everybody thats dependent on me alive. I am rereading this for the tenth time in a week and can not seem to add to this or delete it so im just going to post it.
ttfn

Okay so I can't seem to find enough stuff to write. I wanted to write yesterday I just ran out of time and energy. Yesterday I spent in the car mostly running children to get new casts and to chiroprators to get out the kinks so they can maybe swim better. These times usually end up being my quality time with one child at a time. My daughter amazed me yesterday. She is not a baby anymore. She is a highly intelligent,thinking being. I guess she has been that way for a while but I just needed to deny it for as long as possible. She has strong opinions on several subjects and defends them. She has an artists view of the world. We share that in common. We were marveling at the depth of nature this time of year with the many colors and textures.And how most people go about their day not noticing any of it. We talked about our strong dislike for smoking and how stupid people are to subject their children to second hand smoke. We have always shared a special kind of bond. It can be a great thing and a very hard thing sometimes. My friends mother is dying. Their relationship has been rocky to put it mildly. But in spite of all her mother did she still has those good funny stories to tell. I hope I never become a mother who my children don't want to talk to and who hate me. I always want to be a happy part of their life. I need to stop talking about mothers now before I say something i shouldn't haha.
My sons team finally won a football game. Yea for him. My daughter won her swim meet also so it was a productive day for all.
Tomorrow is yet another day of fun and excitment but hopefully not suprises.
ttfn

Just another sunday

Okay I am readying myself for the committee meeting of a life time. So it is probably not good that i got up this morning with a burr up my butt. Not sure why I am so cranky today. It seems the last few days i have allowed my buttons to be push and lack the ability to block the contact. Maybe I need to watch more football games and learn more moves. And whats up with that. I seem to be attending more football games even ones my kid doesnt play in and i really dont like football.
I usually sleep my Sundays away its the only day of the week when i dont have some where to be or have to get up. Its just a look into why i have to keep myself busy and moving or that would probably be my whole week. I need motivators to get my butt out of bed in the morning. Right now its my kids and my job. For the next several years I should not have to worry for lack of motivators. I now have 3 kids into sports and drama soon to be 4.
I am glad my kids have found sports they enjoy. I know that being a part of a team in school helped me to feel part of the whole when most of the time i didnt. I see the schools putting a lot of importance on school work and it motivates the kids to keep there grades up so they can participate.
So I think im off for a nap before my meeting to recoup some of my sunday sloth.
ttfn

Life without chaos BORING

What would my life be without chaos? BORING!! I would be sleeping my life away I'm pretty sure. I am sitting here trying to think of something to write but am distracted by thoughts of a good friend facing a very hard time in her life. I know because I have been there before, not the exact place, but way to familar. The people pleasing caretaker inside of me wants so badly to make it go away and fix it. She unfortunatly will have to "feel the feelings" which I know she will do because she is a strong woman. Even if she doesn't think so. She is doing what she needs to do to fend off any regrets for the future no matter how painful that may be. She may not know it but she is taking care of herself. She is my hero!! She has been there for me for about 25 years. She has helped me survive the unsurvivable. We don't see each other very often but I know and I hope she knows that no matter what I am here for her. I was never very good at making friends, still have a hard time opening up to new people. I don't have a quanity of close women in my life but the ones that are there are the quality ones. Long lasting ones so if I attach to you be prepared for the long hall. You could accuse me of being picky. But thats just fine because I am blessed with some extraordinary women in my life. I will survive the chaos because I have them to guide me through it if I just remember to ASK.
ttfn

Adults haha

I think I will type in the color I feel everyday. Guess what I am feeling? I had this great workshop at work yesterday on win win negotiations. The man was awesome and I learned alot. My favorite quote of his was "everybody isn't out to get me they are out for themselves I just get in the way sometimes". Yep!! Also what are the two main motivators in life? There are only 2 main ones the rest are secondary. Did you guess pain and pleasure? I didn't. But it's so true. And it doesn't nessicarily motivate you in a positive way it can motivate you in a negative way but either way your still motivated. I see people in my life that I thought were not motivated, miserable and won't do anything to change it but if you look at it they are highly motivated people. Ouch my brain hurts I haven't thought that much in years. People automatically think situations,occurances or events lead directly to an emotional response. Not so if you really think about it. This model the speaker showed us shows that an event, situation or circumstance leads to my interpurtation of the event,situation or circumstance. My thinking either consicous or more likely unconsicous about said event or circumstance. Through responsiblity comes freedom, my freedom to determine my own emotional state. You may ask what does that mean. It comes down to the common sense statement that I am in control of my emotions and no one can make me feel any way I don't want to feel. I wish I could just snap my fingers and undo all the behaviors I have learned over the past 45 years that contridict this statement and replace them with that statement. Why is it when we have a revelation or what ever you what to call it instead of saying yeah lets change that now we in stead are so comfy in the poop that it does the opposite we withdraw and don't want to look at it because then our life looks even more poopy. And don't even get me started on emotions. I sometime and lets not lie most times like being around children then adults because the adults are bigger babys then the kids in the emotion department. I am in a situation where I deal with some emotional adults. I am sometimes one of those adults especially when it involes my kids. How do you deal with an "adult" like that. I am hoping that this training I recieved yesterday will help me to be a better negotiator when dealing with these adults in the future and if not the workbook will make a great coaster.
I love my family warts and all just dont expect me to share those warts anymore.
ttfn

I am lost for a change

I am sitting here trying to figure out this blog thing. Everybody makes it look so easy and of course it probably is but computers still intimadate me. I use them daily at work but feel stupid when i use them. I need to learn more about them and hopefully that will happen in November.
What else can i say? I am a mother of some very unique individuals. School has just started and so my life as i know it has ended and i have become the taxi, sports fan, and form signer. My son is playing football for the first time this year. I do not care for the sport normally and do not like watching him get smashed and bashed but he is not sitting on the couch eating and growing larger he is out there with his buds and bonding. Still dont like the sport. He broke his wrist in the second week of practice but still wants to play. He had his first game today. They lost terribly. But as a good parent i asked did you play your best and if so you have nothing to be ashamed of no matter what the coaches might say. My daughter on the other hand swims. she had a great first year burned up the pool in 8th grade on varsity swim team. Things this year arent going as well and she is disheartened. What do i say to her? to my son its suck it up cupcake but we always seem to handle our daughters a little different. Gender bias i can hear one of my friends saying right now. I just want her to live this part of her life different from what i experienced so some times i over do or step over the boundries. Im lost with out any direction map or manual. But it always seems to work out inspite of me.