DUDE

He the man!!!!. I experienced my first wrestling
match yesterday. Sean is on to his second sport for the year and it was pretty neat. He took his opponent down and pinned him in 40 seconds.
It was amazing. The kid he was wrestling with was at least 15 pounds heavier. Yeah Sean.

The wall has a crack in it so i will only be talking
about my kids for awhile. ttfn

Swim

This is where I spend three mornings a week at 6:30am till about 7:15. I love swimming and will even get up at the ungodly hour of 6:30am to do it. It's my time. I think it is about the only thing I do for myself on a regular basis. We had Wed. and Fri. off last week because of Thanksgiving break so this morning was hell. I even was good and took walks and spent time outside because it was so warm and beautiful this weekend but its not the same I guess.

I hung out with my youngest yesterday for most of the afternoon. She pestered me till I agreed to put her up on one of the horses for a while and we played with and brushed the other ones.She has a want and desire to ride. She is like her mom she likes to go out and do chores in the barn. She would rather shovel horse crap then empty the dishwasher. We then took the puppy for a walk. She is so full of energy and is a typical girl that chats non stop about nothing and everything. I think that was the most time we have had to spend together in a long while. She is the forgotten child right now because she is still to young to partisapate in sports so she is lost in the shuffle of running around for the other three. I miss hanging with her. She is so funny to listen to and her thoughts are amazing. I realized since starting to work we dont have the afterschool time to hang before the siblings get home like we use to. I guess I need to find those little niches to fit our time together.

I know this beautiful weather won't last but it was nice while it did. ttfn

Kids Do The Darnest Things!

Children!!!!! They bring you joy and happiness and then turn around and pop the bubble. My kids, i believe, think i am stupid. That i cant possibly understand how they are feeling. Cant possibly know what they are thinking. Now that is far from the truth. My life was the perfect picture on the outside but step in the door behind that white picket fence and you have now entered hell. We have shared bits and pieces from our pasts with the older two when trying to make a point. We have a situation the other day that tore my heart. I won't get into details but lets just say they did something they shouldnt have and got caught and I reacted like it was my life all over again. But wait, the wisdom of my 14 yr old slapped me in the face. Things are different this time. They have loving parents that are aware most of the time and paying attention, and they are both alot stronger than i ever was at that age. We all need to make our own mistakes even when givin warnings and advice from someone who has been there. I just hope that this one time getting caught will be enough to make them think twice as hard next time in the same situation. You think you are watching and involed and aware of everything your kid is doing but you can never be totally sure 100 percent of the time you can only try to make sure they arent some place they shouldnt be with somebody they shouldnt be with. In the mean time they will look for ways to fool you so they can do those dumb ass things that they always get caught at. We tried to explain it to them you are a kelly/obrien and your gonna get caught its the law. We were tell stories to our day after thanksgiving dinner guest about the stupid pet trick our kids have pulled over the years. Like the burning of the couch and meg's trip down the hill in the pickup truck just to mention a few big ones. Its amazing what they have survived so far so lets hope those guardian angels stay on duty.ttfn

Happy Turkey Day

Here I sit preparing myself to face family today. I am mostly spending the day with the favored side of the family but still I keep saying I dont wanna go. I really dislike this time of year. It use to be my favorite time of year. I think most of it is that I muck it up for myself. I feel like the poor stupid relations. Cant seem to get it right always messing up. I feel it more when i am with my family though then my hubbys. I wish i didnt care what they think but i do. This year is gonna be especially rough. We have begun to recieve the christmas list for the family and we dont even know how the hell we are gonna buy our own kids stuff let alone the families kids. And of course to admit it to them they would understand but i dont. The holidays are hard enough but then we have financial things going on which im not sure we can pull out of this time and the kids are doing things we hoped they would never do and the animals are getting the neighbors pissed off etc. etc. etc. One thing at a time please. They say what doesnt kill you makes you stronger well im not feeling very strong right now i am fighting hard to keep myself above the fog and the deep water. I am stronger than i was years ago but am i strong enough to survive this.? I was thinking back about the problems that i had that got me to AA and how simple those problems seem. I am hoping if i survive this that i will look back in 20 years and feel the same way. So in the mean time i will go and smile and pretend life is good and eat turkey with the family.
P.S Anyone interested in a dog. We have to get rid of her before the neighbor shoots her. ttfn

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder!

Here she is miss america. I had my first full day of being out in public with my head shaved. Its interesting the response, or should i say lack there of, you get from people you know. My good friend Barb of course told it like it is and said its awful we should get you some nice bandana's to wear or some cute hats. People at work just ignored the fact but you could tell they wanted to ask. Well it will grow back hopefully and think of all the money i will save on shampoo in the mean time.
ttfn

My Life is playing out in front of me and i am an innocent bystander with a broken remote.

Did you ever feel so numb that you wondered if you are real or not. Thats how i felt yesterday.

Its the weekend once again and i am resisting the urge to go back to bed and stay there till monday. But it could be worse i could be a poor deer today. Its opening day here for shotgun. Run bambie run.

I was having a conversation with my doctor yesterday and she was asking what i was doing to cut down on the stress in my life as my hair continues to fall out. I told her i was trying to avoid the pit falls of lack of sleep, eating badly, and all those other things that suck you deeper. But she said and i know, stress for women/mothers is different. We always do things to help the others around us survive even though we logically know the smart thing to do is take care of ourselves first so we are better able to take care of the ones in our lives. She used the analogy of the oxygen mask on the airplane. But mothers/women are not wired that way. A friend sent me a poem in an email that states this perfectly.

One Flaw In Women
Women have strengths that amaze men.
They bear hardships and they carry burdens,
but they hold happiness, love and joy.
They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy
and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in.
They stand up to injustice.
They don't take "no" for an answer
when they believe there is a better solution.
They go without so their family can have.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally.
and cheer when their friends get awards.
They are happy when they hear about
a birth or a wedding.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They grieve at the loss of a family member,
yet they are strong when they
think there is no strength left.
They know that a hug and a kiss
can heal a broken heart.
Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.
They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you
to show how much they care about you.
The heart of a woman is what
makes the world keep turning.
They bring joy, hope and love.
They have compassion and ideas.
They give moral support to their
family and friends.
Women have vital things to say
and everything to give.
HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,
IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH!

So for now i am satisfid that the kids are great, the hubby is sorta happy, and the animals are mostly healthy. And i can live with my major butch hair cut for now.

ttfn

PS Sara not only did well in the sectionals for swimming but her relay team broke the school record so her name is now on the board in the pool area. Way cool.

STRESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

I am on the verge of finding out what i will look like with no hair. Another piece fell out closer to the front and I set head shaving for when a piece in front falls out and it looks better shaved then patches of bald. I dont think it really bothers me that its falling out. I look at it as a choice between me falling apart and ending up in the loonie bin again or my hair doing the falling apart for me. I would choose the hair. Stress is a powerful thing. I believe, in my life, stress can be summed up as the great controller. All I hear from silly people is "well the answer is simple get the stress out of your life". Then i ask okay tell me how. Silence. Things will work out because they have to work out right? They always have in the past. Granted we have never been this bad off before with no trap door in site but it will work out. Then lets add in this time of year. OH how i hate this time of year. So for now i will do what i do best stress, and put one foot in front of the other till i cant anymore. Or maybe i will choose door #2.
ttfn

do i really need to give every blog a title?

Giving my posts titles is to much pressure. Most of the time i just ramble on and wander very far from the title subject or i feel a block after thinking of a title. Solution: write the blog then decide what to title it. Oh shut up comes to mind right now.

My husband suprised me and made a change. Depending how you look at it it can been seen as a big one or a small one. He tends to be comfortibly uncomfortible most of the time anyway and likes the same ole same ole. He had an opportunity to switch his full time job [he has two jobs at two different hospitals] to his per diem hospital and his per diem job to his full time hospital. Big move for him. So he took it. He weighed all the pros and cons of both and decided the 100 dollars a paycheck less would be worth the move. This way when, not if, his car self destructs his full time positions is closer and it will be easier to be a one car family for a while. One of the reasons he felt it would be a good move is because it gives him more time to sleep and be able to do things like go to sporting events etc. That to me is a bigger change then the job move. I think he is finally realizing that he is missing so much and the kids are getting so much older and will be gone soon. He figured he couldnt use the excuse of i have to work so much to keep the family afloat anymore. There is always time for both if its really important to you. I saw the first realization of this in his face when he was watching his son's football game and the excitment and joy in his eyes was priceless. Well there is hope always hope. ttfn

update

The my daughters swim team did awesome. It was an amazing day and i lost my voice again. Sara took 4 seconds off her 500free time ending the season with a 6:02;19 woo hoo. She Placed 7th in the 200 free and her relay team took 2nd. The relay team also broke a school record so now her name is up on the board in the pool area. The team took 2nd place honors out of 14 teams. And as I look at it they took first becuase the first place team shouldnt even be in our division so i am beaming with pride, mustang pride. Its been an overly long day and i am off to dream land.
ttfn

Nerves over stress any day!!

Today I get to trade stress for nerves. I will enjoy the break. I am heading out the door to watch my amazing daughter compete in sectionals this year. She just missed out last year and was very disappointed. This year she is in the top 8 for the 200 free style and she is in the top 10 for the 500 free style. Her relay team also finished 3rd in the prelims on Tuesday so it should be an exciting day all around. I have seen this young lady grow and mature and I owe alot of that to sports. It gave her the outlet she needed to vent some of that energy she was using to resist life. I get emotionally involved and cheer for all the girls. I am one of those annoy parent/fans that is screaming loudly the whole time. If you dont like it move because I am not shutting up. So I can leave the stress of mortgages and hair falling out and job sucking at home and go be the proud, obnoxiously loud cheering parent for a few hours and realize thats why I do what I do as best as I can day by day. Rah Rah Real Fans Wear Red and Black Go Varsity Girls Swimming.

Siblings Are Great [NOT]

Okay so my youngest son was the only one not on my blog so fair is fair. Here is what steve erwin would have called a freak of nature, a rare occurance. They rarely get along and can't stand being in the same space together. My daughter just cant resist stirring the poop and stoking the fire. My son is the king of over reactors. Well she better beware he is doing 4 sports this year and one of them is wrestling and he is learning the moves. I will enjoy a good laugh when he first pins her to the floor and has won.
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Reason #1

Okay third time is the charm. I have written this now 3 times and the first two didnt post just the picture so we will see. This is one of the reasons i breath every day. There are 5 main reasons and several side reasons i get out of bed every morning. They have smiles that melt me and attitude that piss me off. I would do anything for them and would fight to the death to protect them. I never considered myself a strong person. I do now. I have faced many a challenge over the past 45 yrs. Things right now suck big time but i keep telling myself we always come out the other side. Maybe a little scraped up and bruised but we do. I try as the term seems to fit since my name is suzy to be little suzy sunshine but its really hard some times. I am a worryer and obcessor. I think i topped myself this time with my hair falling out though. But the suzy sunshine side is i have always wondered what i would look like with a bald head. So as the sun slowly sets in the west, they lived happily ever after. the end. Oh that reminds me i have to tuck the horses in.

ttfn

girls

Where did the time go? These are two of my babies. Now they are sassy females that try thier best to drive me crazy. I have 2 of each sex. Boys are definately easier to work with. But girls can be your best friend at times because you know each other without even trying. They all have thier subtle way of manipulating me with out me realizing it till its to late. I guess im a glutton for punishment becuase most of my animals are female too. Most people I know prefer male horses over female but not me. The female horses are more interesting due to thier unpredictiblity and the fact that they bond deeper with the owner then geldings. I have mostly female dogs also. They are loyal but also a hint of independence. I am not quite sure where this thought process is going or why It popped into my head. Maybe it was the email from my oldest daughters english teacher telling me that an essay i was told was turned in in fact has not been turned in. She of course is off at a sleepover and i can not beat her till after swim practice tomorrow. I love my daughters and i am told i will appreciate their attitude and strong will when they are 25 and on thier own becuase i know i have raised strong daughters that can stand up for themselves and take care of themselves. But until then god help me.
ttfn.

The Past

I have found myself spending alot of time thinking about the past lately. Trying to focus on all the care free stupid stuff i did as a teenage mostly. Things as they say seem so much simplier then. Telling my kids about the things we use to do on halloween and devils night, campfires, horseback rides in the snow. All those things I use to have time for in my life. I read my friends blog every day almost and she brings back alot of memories good and bad for me. So I dug out a poem she wrote for me when i was like 17 and hopefully she wont sue me for publishing it in my blog.

ODE TO SUZY

by Sara W.

There once was a girl name Sue

Who sat home the whole day thru;

She was quiet and lonely

and thought she was homely

till someone showed her this was untrue

You see, one day, while laying down some hay

someone came up and said "will chris be here today?"

That was the start of her happiness,

and the end of lonlyness;

or at least thats when she started drinking & smoking

inhaling all the way;

then there was Matt,

who I might add, is really a brat,

asked suzy out to a movie

which made the romantic feelings stir in suzy

But she realized he was a "pheow" and that was the end of that;

then there was a night in the hotel room

where suzy did a lot of "fall down, go boom",

this is where she proved her mouth runs like a motor

which did turn up her past like a garden rotor,

bringing out skeletons from her secrets room,

then, after working at Star, she refound scott

who even though she did not know, liked her alot,

even now that she has her true love in life,

she keeps on saying she'll never become a wife,

but still i fear i might lose that special friendship for a

husband named scott

I love looking back at silly stuff like this to escape life in the present. Life right now really sucks so i have been spending alot of time in the past. I am glad i am one of those people that save silly little things like the above poem not only becuase of who wrote it but as a passage way to a sillier time in my life. Don't get me wrong i would never go back and relive my teen or early twenties for all the tea in china but its good to know there is at least some good stuff that is there worth remembering. Like thank god i never married scott. So i guess for now going back is better than getting drunk so sara thanks for the memories.

ttfn