I really want to write good stuff here but am lacking in that department lately. Every day is a struggle to get up in the morning and face the day with any sort of positive aura. Sleep has been an absent friend only adding to the lack.

My job is now a haven to give me the positive strokes I lack in other parts of my life. I look forward to going and just feeling like I am important and needed and appreciated. Just wish my hubby could have the same feeling when he goes to work because he is amazing at what he does and puts up with a lot of crap.

I am still worried and concerned about the college boy and his health issues. He did seek help at the counseling office and liked the lady he met with but its all reliant on him realizing he is abusing himself and headed down a road that could ultimately cause irreparable harm. The feeling of total and complete lack of control to help and protect him is beyond description. I wish I had the ability to turn it over as they say but we know how good at that I am.

A new season of sports has begun on the home front with track for all three as the sport of choice. Continuing on the path of everyday activities to keep us sane and busy. While doing all we can to improve the quality of the life we are living and helping the ones we love to do the same.

We move forward with life as it is and continue to fight the demons that haunt us and hope some day soon we can say enough is enough go away. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger...........okay strong enough already.

stay safe, stay warm, feel loved.

TTFN

Kids Gotta Love um

I am wondering if maybe I change the name of my blog that I might not be living it so often? Just a thought, a wishful thought at that but I highly doubt it would make much of a difference.

The only thing that is really going well right now is my job. The hubby and I went for a night out to get away and reconnect because things have been to say the least very tense between us. We try every year at least once around the time we get our taxes back to do this and have my mother in law come down and sit with the kids. This year the mother in law had other things going on so we figured gee middle of the week 3 of the kids have school and the activities attached to that so we figured maybe just maybe the college boy could for go socializing or drinking for just one night and take care of the homestead. Bet you can guess what the answer to that is? NOT!!!!

Our night was cut short at 1:26am when we received the telephone call from Ian about Police officers in the house and he was being taken to Geneseo to be fingerprinted and photographed and a statement taken. So a hasty packing in sued, quick check out of the hotel and a long hour ride to Geneseo to pick up Ian. We finally go home at 4am not well rested and reconnected the way the night was suppose to go but very tired and devastated with a long range mess to face.

We thought the stress level in the house was already near the breaking point but now it is scary and unbearable at times. Not sure how it will all pan out because there are so many factors that could cause difficult consequences for especially Ian’s future. One dumb mistake and poof life just got a hell of a lot harder. He is in a self destruct mode and needs to wake up and start doing the things he needs to do to make it all better now before he finds himself to deep to turn back easily.

We have always tried to share our experiences and our regrets and things we would have done different with the kids and hoped that lessons that we had to learn the hard way would be helpful guides to what not to do. But it seems that it is true what they say they have to make their own mistakes in order to learn and grow and a rare few learn from others mistakes. I just hope that this is a harsh wake up call to both my older children and they do learn from this and change the path they are walking down right now.

So we wake up each morning put our feet on the floor and move forward into our day hoping that the tape and glue holds till the healing and permanent sealing of the wound is complete.

Stay safe, stay warm, feel loved.

TTFN

I have finally come to the conclusion that even if there was an instruction manual for raising teens it would always be out of date even if updated daily.

I thought I would be nice and let the kids sleep in this morning and give them a ride to school because the other morning Megan had gotten it in her head that she could sleep in because she had a big math test that day and everybody was doing it. One small problem she didn't mention it to me and so the yelling and screaming etc. occurred and she was late for school. Well this morning I didn't wake her till 7 and she fell back asleep and I woke her at 7:15 and she was yelling at me because she had to ride the bus this morning. Oh my god I can't win. Then I tried to help her get ready and took her racing suit out of her swim bag and put in her practice suit and she flipped about that. Last I knew she was only wearing the racing suit for meets and the other for practice. So I got yelled at twice this morning for trying to be nice. I told her if she was going to change the rules she needs to let me know.

Sean on the other hand is trying to be more helpful and less mean to me since I pass worded his computer and grounded him for the week for his behavior Wednesday morning. I just hope it last.

Sara pulled an all nighter last night to get stuff done for school today. She is sooooo an O'Brien with the last minute crap. But like all O'Briens they seem to do their best when under the gun to finish something too bad the rest of us suffer in the process. Though I have to admit she was not as ugly this morning as per her usual persona.

Well Off to pick up the college boy for his spring break and hopefully to figure out why and how to fix his blood pressure problem before it causes problems.

Stay safe, stay warm, feel loved.

TTFN

They are racing along and growing up to fast all of the sudden. Sara had her meeting with the superintendent of the schools today and she has the blessing of the district to move forward with her plan to graduate early. Her father went with her for moral support which was great for both of them. I am just sooooo not ready for her to leave for college in the fall but it doesn't matter if I am ready only that she is ready.

They had a dance at school tonight and Sean had a shhhh "date". We went to Salvo yesterday and got him a nice shirt and vest to go with the pants he already has and he was gorgeous. I was looking at pictures of him from even just last spring and the amazing transformation that has taken place with that boy is unbelievable. I didn't realize how big he had gotten till I looked back and compare him to the way he looks today. Must have been because I saw him on a regular basis so it didn't make as much of an impact on me. Now he is a lady killer with an ego to match.

Then I have my soon to be 19 year old who acts way to grown up for his age. He is smart and we have taught him well I just hope that the lessons continue to keep him safe. With the alcohol related deaths on the campuses in NYS making the news most every day it just sends chills down my spine. He did some image changes yesterday himself with a hair cut now if I could only convince him to trim the damn beard so he didn't look like the drummer from a heavy metal band we would be all set. We are going to visit him tomorrow to celebrate his birthday because I cant wait till next weekend when he comes home for a week. I figure they will be off living their own lives celebrating birthdays with out me soon enough I am going to hang on to what I can for as long as I can.

Dave had a meeting after work today to find out his fate at the hospital. 20 people lost their jobs and he got a 3% pay cut. Sucks but at least he still has a job. It was a nerve racking 2 hours waiting for him to call me and let me know he still had a job. But a big relief when he did. I am trying to pick up as many hours as I can get at my new job but lord only knows how long that is going to last. To much uncertainty gives one sleepless nights and ulcer.

I am hoping this warm weather sticks around. It was a mood lifter to be able to go without a coat to work today. And the sun even made an appearance for a short while this afternoon. Sunday brings in longer lit days which also is a big boost to my moods.

well I am off to bed to get well rested for my trip tomorrow to visit the birthday boy.

stay safe, stay warm, feel loved.

ttfn

Sundays seem to be the posting day for me. I have been down and out since Friday with a killer headache and cold symptoms so my weekend was a total wash out. I hate heading into a new week especially now that I am working with nothing being done over the weekend.

Sara is finalizing her plans for graduating early. I told her I wasn't warm and fuzzy about the Idea but if it was truly what she wants to do and she is committed to doing it I am here to support her all the way. I can't separate what I think she will miss from what I am disappointed about missing. Senior year is suppose to be fun filled and remembered for a long time. I don't remember much about my senior year if that tells you anything. By the end of this week we should know for sure if it is going to work out and she will be graduating in August and heading off to MCC in the fall. The hubby is full of doubts just like I am but we cant take it personally she needs to do this and we need to support her as best as we can. Sara's guardian angel is there to to help any way she can so forward we push.

My other college child is turning 19 in one week. I can't believe it. We are going to try and scrap together some money so we can go and have lunch at least with him on Saturday and celebrate his bday. I don't think I can wait till he comes home on the 13 it would be hard for me. Soon enough they will be else where on their birthdays and I will miss enough of them in the future but I am not ready for that quite yet.

I am off to bed and hoping that this bug is gone tomorrow when I wake up to start my week. Sweet dreams to one and all.

Stay safe, stay warm, feel loved!!!

TTFN