Furry Critters in my Life!!

Henry was looking for his Birthday present! My handsome boy turned 9 on Christmas day.

This is Megans Christmas present. He is her pride and joy. She named him Eddy after my dad and hasn't stopped smiling since she got him on the Saturday before Christmas. I couldn't fit him under the tree. He fits in well with the family and is holding his own against the posse of mares.

The posse of mares above Belle, Izzy, and Jenny. Below Miss Annie the mini.

This is the butter ball mini we are trying to find a home for. She is enjoying, for the moment, the fact that she is no longer the bottom of the herd chain and is chasing the poor boy Eddy around.

This is Lulu the barn cat she keeps everything ship shape in the barn.

The barn is my haven. It is where i go to get out and away. I like to just sit and listen to the horses munching on thier hay. Or just sit and converse with the horses and be apart of the herd for a while. I truly love these amazing animals and am glad I am able to have them in my life.I am looking forward to being able to ride with both my girls this spring sharing my love and knowledge with them.

Happy New Year to all here is to good health and happiness cheers.

ttfn

Happy New Year Too You!!!!!

Christmas is over and the New Year approaches. The last few months of this year have been really tough. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger right? So I am going into the new year like Wonder Woman. I have a lot to be grateful for amid the crap. My dear sweet oldest brother has helped me to remember this gratitude thing almost on a daily basis. He writes one ever night and sends them to the people he cares about to not only share how he is doing but to help us to remember it isn't all bad you just have to shine the light some times on those small daily blessings that usually get lost in the chaos.

Between bickering my children actually helped me to accomplish some things I wanted to get done in the barn to make the new addition to the family more comfortable. And they didn't complain to much about helping. That is amazing to me.

My eldest daughter took me out to the movies [one she was hoping she wouldn't see anyone she knows there] and not only paid for my ticket but bought me popcorn and candy. I got the oh mom why do you cry at a stupid spider dieing? My reply was genes, thanks to both parents that are and were sappy I am cursed/blessed with the crying thing at the drop of a hat.

I have been able to take vacation days this week so I can hang with my kids. Is it time for them to go back to school yet?

We got the pellet stove fixed finally today and it didn't cost as much as we were afraid it would. We finally found someone who doesn't try to soak you for repairs on something or parts.

I think this will be the first New Years eve that my Hubby isn't working and he will be home to spend it with us.

Other than colds and flu everyone is relatively healthy and safe.

So here is to a quiet New Year with lots of love and blessings for one and all. I am most thankful for the family and great friends in my life that have helped more than they can every know.

ttfn

Early Birds No More

Christmas morning I awoke at 6am to go out and take care of the horses before opening presents with the kids. I expected to find them waiting on the couch. Nope. The only one up was my wonderful hubby who had made coffee and was preheating the oven for my traditional Monkey Bread coffee cake we have every Christmas morning. So I went out to the barn to feed the horses and our barn cat Lulu. I wished them a Merry Christmas and gave them a treat and proceeded back inside. When I walked in the door my hubby looked at me with tears in his eyes saying the kids aren't babies anymore. We are going to have to wake them up aren't we? 7:45am Sean awakens and comes downstairs said the smell of Monkey bread woke him up. I went up to see what was up with the other 3 and found them asleep snuggling in Ian's bed with their stockings. They must have come down earlier and taking the stockings. I went down to get the camera to take a picture but the dog licked their faces and I missed out on a great picture. They were overwhelmed and surprised with the gifts they received because we hadn't told them about the money the Christmas angel had sent so they could have something to open on Christmas morning.[Thanks again]. We had our breakfast and I got my nap. Then the boredom set in and all the peace and love of the day went out the window. I have come to the conclusion that the kids especially one in particular needs to be busy at all times. So here is to surviving the rest of vacation and making it to the new year. I hope everybody had a wonderful Christmas and your New Year is a safe and happy one.
ttfn

Merry Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas Eve and the house is so quiet.
The hubby took three of the kids to the movies as a treat.
Ian and I stayed home he is asleep with a bad head cold and
I wasnt much in the mood for a movie still recovering from a
root canal gone wrong. Of course i could be resting but I have to keep
going out to check on Megs Christmas present. The pony came early
he wasnt suppose to come till Tuesday but he seems to be fitting in okay so
far and Megan is so excited. I wanted to wait till Tuesday because we are going to my brothers christmas eve afternoon and I am now going to be even more stressed when we go worrying about the pony. I really didn't want to go to my brothers again this year but my sisters kids and their kids are going to be there too so I want to go and see those cute little munchkins of my nephews.

This has been another banner week of punches to the stomach. We were hopeing that we could get Daves pickup fixed so we could use it as a second vehicle for now. No such luck for the second time in a week my poor hubby had to say goodbye to one of his vehicles. The frame was too rusted to be able to pass inspection. Then I went to the dentist for a root canal on Thursday and ended up, after alot of pain, having the tooth pulled. GRRRRRRR. Plus the mortgage company was suppose to call us by Thursday afternoon about the apraisal and they never did. We now have to wait till Tuesday to find out where we stand. Oh and the pellet stove decided to pull a hissy fit and need a replacement part that we cant get till Wednesday. I am figuring that we are getting all the crap out of the way and the New Year will be full of one blessing after another.

Well here is to surviving Christmas Eve and onto a quiet Christmas Day with some presents under the tree thanks to my Christmas Angel. I love my family and friends and wouldnt be able to make it in this life without them. I am blessed with great love, Healthy children, and a life to live to the fullest. Merry Christmas to all and a Happy New Year. Remember every time a bell rings an angel gets its wings.
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The Weekend revisited

I found the cable. We had a busy weekend getting ready for an appraisal on Monday and several things got done and it was am early Christmas present for me. First my ceiling in the living room was fixed and it was pretty easy to do and looks great. Then the miracle of miracle happened all four kids rooms where clean at the same time. I am no longer afraid to go upstairs or walk into the rooms to wake children up in the morning. Woo Hoo.

We begin with the oldest room. He didn't even accept the money offered to get his room done. He is happy because now he can use his table to set up his figures to paint.

Next we move onto the artists room. She is happy because it gives her more space to spread out to make her master pieces.

Seans room still needs some work he is in the in between stage of big boy little boy and can't decide if he can part with his toys that he doesn't play with anymore.

Last but not least is the youngest room and it the biggest miracle she did most of the cleaning herself.

So the real test is if it stays clean for longer than 10 minutes. Megans room is already showing signs of messiness but I will be happy for it to stay good till after Daves family comes down on the 30th. So until then stay tuned to this bat channel for future updates.

ttfn

wheres the cable

I wanted to post yesterday but the day disapeared from me. today i am so tired as i type my eyes are snapping shut. I have pictures i took this weekend of our before and after cleaning and ceiling repair but cant find the cable to my camera to down load the damn pictures. Well i am alive and well barely it was a long and produtive weekend and we will find out soon how we did.
ttfn

Bad Ass

I went to the local tattoo parlor to see about getting my ears pierced so I could maybe look a little more feminine. Well of course he didn't have the simple ear gun oh no I got the whole speech on how bad they were and the damage they cause. He uses 16 gauge needles to do his ears. GULP. I saw this big freakin needle and thought great, what have I gotten myself into and am I going to throw up and or faint.
I was a little iffy on the size of the ring and the ball.
They were a little to goth for me but what the heck.
So now my teenagers are telling me they look bad ass.
I am assured that they mean it in a cool way. I was going
for the feminine look not the I wanna kick your butt look.
Of course the whole time we were there [I took my two oldest
with me for moral support] they kept asking if they could get
a small tattoo. HO HO HO> that would be a death in the family, me, and a divorce, me also. Beside the guy won't do tattoos on anyone under 18 even with parental consent. He is a smart man. My husband does not like any type of piercing or tattoos stating no self mutilation for ornamentation. So the kids will have to wait till they are 18 and out of the house. As for me who knows first the radical haircut now the earrings maybe a small tattoo could top off the total make over. Stay tuned.

ttfn

HO HO HO

I have a whole 45 minutes till i have to run out the door again. When all I want to do is crawl into bed. Isn't Happening!!!!

This time of year has always been the worst for me. When the time changes and the sun starts to go down at 4pm the depression usually sets in. I have to say for the past 5 years I have been able to fight the downward spiral and stay pretty even keel. This year is a fight once again. Once that sprial starts it is hard to pull up. My body shuts down and fights me every inch of the way.

Of course you always have the family drama this time of year to add to the fun. I don't see or speak to most of my family all year and then Christmas time rolls around and the drama begins.
I can usually repel the crap flung around but this year is showing signs of hits. I know I may lose control and say something and not be my mild mannered self aka rug wipe your feet. It was apparent at work the other day when i came within inches of telling my boss to fuck off. My job sucks and i could spend a whole entire blog on it but lets just say i work for a passive aggressive person[my mother figure] and she knows i won't fight back so she steps over the line often because she can. The other women that have had my job before me walked over her so im a nice change of pace.

I don' know what i want to be when i grow up but i sure not going to be doing this job forever. I called the local college yesterday and I think i may get my feet wet taking a course or 2 that i get college credit for. The lady at the college said i should jump in with both feet but I of course laughed saying gee, how, I guess i could give up sleeping and eating both of which are highly over rated. So for now i will put up with the job from hell and "build my resume" as my hubby puts it so i can move on when i grow up.

So I am ho ho ho - ing on my way and hoping i survive.
ttfn

Christmas Angel

This weekend started out looking like same crap different weekend. I have been sick as a dog with the flu since thursday and had several commitments this weekend. Sean had a wrestling tournament on Saturday, Ian had to go to the doctor on friday becuase his ear hurt turned out to be an infection. Sara had her big sleep over she had been planning for weeks, Mother in law and friend coming down for a thing Ian was doing on saturday night etc. etc. etc. But the mail came on Saturday and a suprise from a very good friend was in it. First I cried then I was in shock then I was able to breath for the first time in months. It will help to make a merry christmas for the kids and keep us going till we figure out our mortgage mess.

I got yelled at from my chiropractor that I need to go to the doctor myself and just get checked out. Maybe I will. I am always so busy doing all this other stuff not allowing myself to be sick and its to the point where i cant ignore it anymore. Well i have the chance to actually crawl back into bed for a little while and recharge, I hope, for the rest of the events of this Monday.

Thank you Christmas Angel. ttfn

Ghosts from the Past

Okay I am up on a Saturday morning at 6:30am because kids need a ride to practices and to get ready for the big wrestling meet this morning. So how come I'm still the only one moving at 7:15.

I had some vivid dreams last night between squeals from the slumber party going on in the other room. I am trying very hard to remember them but like most dreams they are gone before you even stretch and scratch. The players were all people I knew and are dead. My father being the main character. I have been having alot of dreams about my father lately. Some of him being very disappointed in me and shaming me like he did so well when he was alive. But last night was different I felt like he was trying to help me. Trying to lead me to something that would make every thing alright. Then my friend Jackie also doing the same thing. Then my dog sophie. I felt like I was being visited by the ghost of christmas past. Would I make that comparision if it wasn't Christmas time? Anyway we would just about reveal what it was and I would wake up or switch people. GRRRRRRRRRRRR. What the hell was it? Thanks for nothing. I know what would solve my problems or at least some of them but who knowns if that was what they were trying to tell me. Maybe I will be lucky and dream again tonight.

Well on to my busy day of family and events. Hopefully I will remember the camera so I can put pictures of the boys on here tomorrow in their outfits for the day.
ttfn

I Love........

I have been trying very hard to focus on the positive things in my life in the last week or so to save myself from a total break down. In normal circumstances it is easy to do but i am so worn down that its a struggle to even think of anything beyond the obivious. I must be pretty bad becuase the husband is being the voice of the glass is half full lately not me. Now that is an amazing thing in itself. I of course love my kids but beyond that its a stretch.

We are trying to deal with the company that screwed us over with our mortgage right now and the pit of my stomach is saying be wary. Unfortunately we have to see if we can work things out with them becuase no one else is willing to touch us until we get more equity in the house. I wish we could go back to the barter system. I am feeling very trapped in almost every part of my life right now and the usual response is to crawl into bed and never get up again. But life goes on and I am no longer single and able to retreat like i use to.

I have my swimming which keeps me moving both physically and mental for now. I even went this morning with a 102 fever and a nasty sore throat. Took the day off from work to help recoup from this lovely cold I have and ended up taking kids to the doctor and running other peoples kids to different events this afternoon and cleaning for a party tonight and my Mother in law spending the night tomorrow. Sara is having a sleep over tonight and i am the official taxi service. Tomorrow isnt boding well either for any type of respite for me to collapse. Thank goodness for Sundays. That is the day of the week that i usually collapse and sleep all day long. I guess when they are all grown and gone i will miss this craziness but right now im just exhausted. Welcome to mother hood of teenagers.
ttfn

Meet, Meet, Meet am I at the right Meet!!!

Swim season has begun again. Ian had a meet on tuesday then another yesterday. The season opener was a big win then wednesday they had to swim against livonia and of course they creamed us. Now on tuesday Ians coach could have had a high score on the board and totally blown away the other team but instead the meet ended up 46 to 48 because he drew back and didnt humilate the other team. fast forward to livonia. 109 to 67 enough said. The coach for dansville is a great guy, he is fantastic with the kids and pushes them just enough to improve but not enough for them to hate him or swimming. He is competitive but fair. I am so glad that he is thier coach and teacher and not the guy from livonia.

Ian is already showing signs of disappointment. He has a great stroke his flip turns are good and he is improving in his stream line but he has alot of drag and this is the only excercise/sport he does all year. the other guys for the most part do a sport before and after swimming. But Ian jumps in and doesnt give himself enough time to get really conditioned before he gives up on himself. I dont expect him to be a great athlete but he doesnt even give himself a chance. He will stick it out because he enjoys the guy thing. And i will continue to go and cheer him on to the end. The play is coming up soon for him and that is where he is in his element.

Sean had another meet yesterday to that i didnt get to go to because of that cloning thing not possible to be 2 places at once. His record is now 1 win 4 losses. The other schools just dont have any 7th graders his size to wrestle so he ends up wrestling a guy on his team in one match that is 8th grade and about 30 pounds bigger than him and he said the second guy last night was close to his team mates size also. Big tournament on saturday and i am hoping he will be paired with someone more his ablility. Gramma is coming down to watch and dad will be there too. He is getting discouraged also and i pump him up saying its only your first year most of these guys have been doing sports since they were little and you have some catching up to do. by the end of the school year after doing 5 sports he will be unstoppable i told him.

Sara had her first indoor track meet on saturday that i missed because my car blew up and she did great. The coach moved her up to varsity becuase they needed someone fast for a 4 by 800 relay team and he put her in the 600 also. The relay team didnt do to well but she came in second in the 600 and already qualifid for sectionals in her first race. Amazing for someone who hates to run.

MY day off is being spent cleaning the house getting ready for Sara's big sleep over on friday. omg i am going to have 8 teenage girls in the house. Calgon take me away. I guess i should stop procrastinating and hop to it.
ttfn

Date

I went on a date this afternoon. It was a nice escape to the movies to watch beautiful places and fabulous horses running through the beautiful places. My friend figured I could use a day out and invited me on Saturday and I jumped at the chance. She also had a you think your life is bad right now story for me about a mutual person we know. She just recovered from breast cancer and her husband was just diagnostic with a brain tumor and is having surgery on Monday. This couple is amazing they take life as it comes and are so zen. If you look hard enough you will find someone that has a worse life then you but that still doesn't diminish what is going on in your life. My problems are just as important than anyone's else's. I am not going to feel guilty. I have a right to feel my feelings and feel overwhelmed by what is going on in my life. I have always put other peoples problems a head of mine. Trying to fix them so I didn't have to look at my mess then come back and surprise its still there and hasn't gone anywhere its just got bigger. I wish I could have the zen attitude about everything and take things as they come and sometimes I can when its a thing here or there but lately its been 5 things a day. High waves pummeling you one after the other after the other. I feel bruised and battered and really tired. But I am still putting one foot in front of the other because logically I know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and I will hopefully get there eventually without taking any dangerous detours. TTFN

Where is the closest bridge?

well i decided nobody ever reads this anyway so i can write what ever i want. Its a good thing my car blew up today because i would probably be out getting drunk right now. Yeah the cars radiator hose [of course the part of it you cant reach or change yourself] blew on my hubby on his way back from going down to the hardware store to get piping to fix the pellet stove one of our main sources of heat that was bellowing out smoke when he got home for his per diem job at the hospital. He was suppose to get a buy back on his vacation time he didnt use so we could maybe have something for christmas and that didnt show up in his check he got thursday and now if it does we will have to use it to fix my car and the stove. I just payed our new payment on our new ammount on our mortgage that will kill us in a few months if you cant find someway to refinace and its fucking christmas foll lalalalalalalalalala. My job sucks and is driving me insane from boredom and stupidity. My hair continues to fall out even though i shaved my head my period was two weeks late and chose today to start, i am missing my daughters first track meet and my nephews play and im cold. Tell me why its worth it? oh right there is one of the reasons sittin next to me at his fathers computer blowing out his eardrums with head phones playing his game. another is up stair sleeping and offered his paycheck to pay for my car repair. another is in the kitchen making apple crumble for everybody and the other is on a bus on her way to hobart college for her first indoor track meet racing on a varsity relay team and she is only a freshman and im not there to see it. What ever happend to things hitting in threes the past few months its been 3x12 for crap sake. my kids are my life line they are the only reason i chose to breath right now. I figure i have about 10 more years to find something else to breath for because they arent always going to be around to keep me alive.
life so totally sucks right now. so i must do what i am thank ful for list tonight to focus on something else or i will be tipping a few back by tomorrow.
ttfn

ouch

Sean didn't do as well this time at his meet on Thursday. He had two matches against two guy that were about 20 pounds heavier and at least a foot taller and eighth graders to boot. To say the least he was pinned both times in less than 10 seconds. Have to give him credit because the first match the guy kneed him in the forehead on the way down to the pin and he was seeing stars but still went on to try again in the final match of the day. I am hoping he doesnt want to wrestle because im not so sure I like it as a sport to be a spectator at. You go and sit around for like three hours to watch your son wrestle for 20 seconds. Even if they are good and go the whole round its only 3 minutes tops. He has decided to try basketball in between wrestling and swimming so that will make a total of 5 sports the boy is trying this year. What doesnt kill him will make him stronger haha.

Sara has her first indoor track meet on saturday and I won't get to go to it. To far to travel and just dont have the money to spend on the gas to go to all these meets and games and such. I hate to have to pick and choose but thats how the cookie crumbles. She will be just running this time not quite ready for pole vaulting yet. I will difinatly be there when she vaults for the first time. I wonder if it will freak me out as much as when she did diving in modifid swimming the first year. I hope not.

Ian's first swimming meet is Tuesday and then followed by thier second one on Wednesday. It will be a brutal week for him. He seems to be more into the swimming this year then he was last year. I hope its more enjoyable for him and he meets his personal goals this year.

I tried to swim my cares away this morning. I wanted to see if i could swim for 30 minutes without stopping and see how far i could go. I ended up going 1250 in 32 minutes. At 30 minutes i only had 2 more lengths of the pool to make it an even 50 so i went 32 minutes. I love swimming i wish i could stay in the water forever. It takes my mind off crap and my body feels less painful while floating. But then comes the time to climb out of the pool to face the day and as i climb up the ladder the weight reasserts itself and onward i plod. That weight lately has become almost unbearable I just wanna dive in and stay forever. ttfn