Holloween

Its the day before Holloween and I haven't had to make a costume this year. That is really sad to me. The two older children don't trick or treat they just wander around the village with shaving cream and have some harmless teen fun. I am not sure what my 12 year old is doing and my baby put her own costume together with a little help from big sis. I know I will still be marching around the village tomorrow night from 6 to 8 because sorry 10 and even 12 is too young to set them loose by themselves [can you hear the oh mom].
I use to love holloween as a kid, My mother would spend the month before creating costumes for us and she and a neighbor would sew and paint what ever we were to be. The traditional holloween meal before going out to trick or treat was pigs in a blanket. Then you had the candy check which i now know was the parents way of helping themselves to your candy while sounding all protective and heroish about it. I can still remember my oldest childs first trick or treat experince like it was yesterday. First the fear and them the wow i get candy face. We didnt even get pumpkins this year. I guess i will have to go by myself and get one so i can at least cook the seeds.
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Boring

My life must be boring. I can't seem to come up with interesting things to write. But then i realized that I have been censoring myself. Not writing what I really feel afraid that it would be stupid or hurt someones feelings. If its my feelings should i feel responsible for how it makes others feel?
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Ping Pong Ball

I would never have felt that one could function as exhausted as I am right now. I went from morning swim [6;30am] to work and right to a football game after work then on to the high school open house to meet my two oldest childrens teachers. This I had to do on my own. My oldest got high jacked by the swim coach to come into the pool and help with the swim club and my daughter was no where to be found. Silly me I should have looked in the art room first. I love going to these open houses and talk to the teacher and make that parental face which says "are we talking about the same child". My children have always used their good side at school and out in public and save the ugly side for me and home. I guess thats a good thing that it is that way and not the other or bad in both places. I have great kids. They all have their own unique talents.

I both look forward to this time of year and loath it at the same time. I am the all time swim team fan and I have 3 season in a row this year. I now have added football to my cheering resume even though I don't care for the sport much. When your kid is playing it just doesn't matter. My children are also usually involved in the plays but that too is time consuming and exhausting. Some may say I am an over involved mom but I like, no I need to be. I don't want to miss a minute of it. Nothing could replace seeing your child make his first tackle and the smile that follows or when your daughter breaks her 500fr time by 7 seconds those are things money can't buy or replace.

It was so much easier when only one at a time was partisipating in a sport. Next month I will have 3 of them doing 3 different sports. This is when cloning would come in real handy. I hate having to decide which thing to go to when they have a game or meet on the same day. I already made it clear if they are doing something outside and another is doing something inside and its cold guess which one I'm gonna pick. Hopefully this will push them to choose indoor sports in the fall and winter and outdoor ones in the spring.

I figure they are only young for such a short time that there will be time for me when they are grown and off on there own. So I will keep working my mind numbing job, of course keeping my eye open for something else as I go along, and wait to get those bills payed off after those smiles and moments in time are over. Oops forgot about the grandkids. Oh well. ttfn

Notebook

I was watching a red tail hawk flying in the crisp blue sky last evening while cooking dinner out on the grill. Two of my favorite things to do by the way. As i watched, as some birds will do, a crow began to dive bomb the hawk to i assume make it move away from something the crow was trying to protect. It has always amazed me that hawks with there far superior ability to fly and thier razor sharp talons allow these smaller birds to push them around. Instead of attacking back the hawk will generally fly away till the other bird backs off. Some times i feel like the hawk other times i feel like the crow. I usaually go through out my day minding my own business and avoiding conflict. Side stepping it when people get hot or in my face. Other times though im like the crow. Trying my best to protect the ones i love,(or the chocolate im eating), from preditors. You would think one would envy the hawk, not me i envy the crow.

Amok Amok

Okay so why do we do stupid things when our emotions and moods are already out of control and running amok. For instants why the hell I'm I sitting here typing in my blog when I should be in bed. My day has gone from one end of the emotion spectrum to the other and back again. I hate the extremes. Last week I was feeling like strong woman, secure enough to actually follow through and apply for a new job. I am an intellegent woman I screamed I can be doing more with my life. Fast foward to this week and I feel like the lost soul I usually do, going through and doing the things I need to do to survive and keep everybody thats dependent on me alive. I am rereading this for the tenth time in a week and can not seem to add to this or delete it so im just going to post it.
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Okay so I can't seem to find enough stuff to write. I wanted to write yesterday I just ran out of time and energy. Yesterday I spent in the car mostly running children to get new casts and to chiroprators to get out the kinks so they can maybe swim better. These times usually end up being my quality time with one child at a time. My daughter amazed me yesterday. She is not a baby anymore. She is a highly intelligent,thinking being. I guess she has been that way for a while but I just needed to deny it for as long as possible. She has strong opinions on several subjects and defends them. She has an artists view of the world. We share that in common. We were marveling at the depth of nature this time of year with the many colors and textures.And how most people go about their day not noticing any of it. We talked about our strong dislike for smoking and how stupid people are to subject their children to second hand smoke. We have always shared a special kind of bond. It can be a great thing and a very hard thing sometimes. My friends mother is dying. Their relationship has been rocky to put it mildly. But in spite of all her mother did she still has those good funny stories to tell. I hope I never become a mother who my children don't want to talk to and who hate me. I always want to be a happy part of their life. I need to stop talking about mothers now before I say something i shouldn't haha.
My sons team finally won a football game. Yea for him. My daughter won her swim meet also so it was a productive day for all.
Tomorrow is yet another day of fun and excitment but hopefully not suprises.
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Just another sunday

Okay I am readying myself for the committee meeting of a life time. So it is probably not good that i got up this morning with a burr up my butt. Not sure why I am so cranky today. It seems the last few days i have allowed my buttons to be push and lack the ability to block the contact. Maybe I need to watch more football games and learn more moves. And whats up with that. I seem to be attending more football games even ones my kid doesnt play in and i really dont like football.
I usually sleep my Sundays away its the only day of the week when i dont have some where to be or have to get up. Its just a look into why i have to keep myself busy and moving or that would probably be my whole week. I need motivators to get my butt out of bed in the morning. Right now its my kids and my job. For the next several years I should not have to worry for lack of motivators. I now have 3 kids into sports and drama soon to be 4.
I am glad my kids have found sports they enjoy. I know that being a part of a team in school helped me to feel part of the whole when most of the time i didnt. I see the schools putting a lot of importance on school work and it motivates the kids to keep there grades up so they can participate.
So I think im off for a nap before my meeting to recoup some of my sunday sloth.
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