snow oh no oh my

Here we go again. The wind is a whipping and the snow is a flying.

I am glad that all the kids are staying home tonight for New Years
Eve, so far. We are going to have Dave here too! I am hoping the
weather clears a little so I can go down and get the goodies and rent
some movies.

I guess a missed a good meet yesterday. Sean did his PB, personal
best, in all three of his events. Why do they do that when I am not
there and already feel guilty about not going. No I can't say that Sara
saved her PB in the 500 for when I was there. And Ian said he swam
better when I was there cheering him on. I just didn't feel good yesterday
so guilt was easily taken on I guess.

Off to take a shower and head out to brave the elements to take people to
swim practice and go to the store.

Have a Safe and Wonderful New Years Eve and a Fantastic New Year one and
all.

Stay safe, stay warm, feel loved.

TTFN

We are now on the other side of Christmas and almost through to New Years. The temperature was in the sixties this morning and it was spring like. I was outside from 7:30am till 2 enjoying the warmth and sunshine while it lasted. But as you can see by the picture above the sky became nasty and here it is 4:30 and the temperature dropped 25 or more degrees with the wind kicking up at quite a strong clip. Oh well.

Christmas Eve was tough even with spending it with my husbands’ family. At least the kids got some gifts from their grandparents and uncles/aunts.
The best gift of the night was Megan’s. She got her cat back. It was the kitten that we found after the football game that we couldn’t at the time keep and my mother in law was kind enough to take in. Well things were not working out with her older cat so she asked if we could take him back. I figured it would take the focus off of the lean Christmas present wise and I was right. She is still smiling and keeps saying Garbonzo is back. Yes that is the cat’s name. Sara of course calls him a name that makes Megan mad and Sean calls him something different but officially I guess his name is Garbonzo.

He seems to be fitting in well. I was worried at first because he was terrorizing all the other animals but they only took it for so long and put him in his place and they now all seem to respect each others space. The other cat even came in from outside yesterday rubbed up against him and then gave him a kiss it was too cute.

I got up Christmas morning at 4 am to stuff stockings and feed the horses and realized I didn’t really get much for the stockings after all. I mentioned it to Dave and we both wondered if the truck stop at the bottom of the hill was open and decided to take a road trip to check it out. It was and we had some fun picking out little things and candy and even got Ian his favorite movie to stuff the stockings full. We are thinking of making it a tradition.

Christmas day was uneventful Sara fixed breakfast and cleaned up the kitchen for me and the kids enjoyed their stockings for the most part. Sara also made me a bracelet that was very heart felt and she got me some earrings. I really felt bad that she didn’t have anything under the tree so we ended up going to the movies that night together just us. It was nice and the movie was excellent.

My sister sent a beautiful card and mad money so we are going to have a fun celebration on New Years Eve with bad food and great company. We love hanging out and playing games and watch the ball drop.

As we head into the final week of 2008 my hope and prayer is that this New Year is much more livable and filled with more happiness. We have survived a lot this year and hopefully it has made us stronger to face what ever is ahead in 2009. Things have to get better right? It has already started toward the end of this year and I am hoping it continues. It has to I am too tired for it to go any other way.

Here is to a Safe and Happy New Year to One and All. Love and Hope with hugs sent with loving care to one and all that is near and dear to me.

Stay safe, stay warm, feel loved.

TTFN

Bah F%$#ing humbug

The alarm didn't go off this morning and it’s been down hill from there. Drive all three kids to school in 2 trips and rush to get to work. I so love starting my morning like that. I guess it even tops frozen pipes the morning before.

It is the day before the family is coming down for Christmas Eve and the checking account is overdrawn. Hope they aren’t hungry. It’s a good thing, the only good thing even though it turned out to be negative, that I checked the account on a fluke to see if my first paycheck had been deposited into the account. But what to my surprise to find that I didn’t have a few hundred dollars in there but was overdrawn. I am not going to blame and point but I also don’t want the responsibility of the check book anymore. Let him do it for a while so he can have some fun for a change. Why should I get to have it all?

I was doing well, keeping it together, happy about the new job but boom I started crying 2 hours ago and can’t stop. Nothing for the kids to open Christmas morning and stockings aren’t looking to good either. I am going to start a new tradition and be like the lady on Dr. Phil. No more celebrating Christmas it sucks in every way and every feeling and every every. I want this pain in my chest to go away.

So I am off to crawl into bed so I don’t confront the hubby when he gets up for work and deal with it tomorrow. Gees now I sound like Scarlet O’Hara.

Stay safe, stay warm, feel loved because it’s all you have some times.

ttfn

Christmas is coming up fast and the feeling of having nothing for the kids to open on Christmas morning is rising like panic to my brain. Why is it so important? They have been really good in that they haven't had the I wants this year. They aren't expecting anything but I am feeling guilty.

It started this morning when I went looking for things to at least make the morning some what fun. They have always said their favorite part is the stockings filled with an assortment of items tailor made to each kids likes. I am getting things here and there and hope it will be enough to appease my guilt.

The two older children having income of their own wanted to venture out to the mall tonight. It was busy but definitely not as busy as most years past. I got to people watch and pick up a few stocking items. Sara said we should do that every year just go the last weekend before Christmas and people watch and eat pretzels. Sounds like a new holiday traditions I could get into.

Only 4 more days till Christmas and all through the house cleaning has started and and menu is set. Megan even got her room almost totally clean and will put on the finishing touches tomorrow. She has a special present coming from Gramma that will totally take her mind of the lack of presents under the tree Christmas morning. Gramma saves the day again not only will she make her so very happy she got her to clean her room. Merry Christmas to me. I don't want to say what it is just in case she reads this before Christmas but I will hopefully have happy girl face pictures to post in a few days.

Its soooo cold tonight I am off to crawl under my covers and try to get warm and get some sleep I hope. Having the old insomnia problem again lately which I am getting quite irritated with.

Stay safe, stay warm, feel loved!!!!!

TTFN

Snow Day

It was a good thing I decided to go get Ian last night. I left at around 10:30pm and was home in bed by 4am. If I hadn't I believe Dave and he would be spending the night in Fredonia because Dave would have been driving right into the storm.

The middle children were suppose to get up and get ready to go down to school at 6:15 this morning then wake me when they were ready just so I could get some sleep before having to head into work at 9. I bolted awake at 6 to find no one moving. Little did I know they already had been sent several texts informing them there was no school today.

Good forthought on the schools parts because by 11 am this morning we were quite literally deep in the snow bank.

Unfortunately I still had to venture out to work at the clinic luckily just down the hill in the village today but it still was quite treacherous coming back up at 2 when they finally decided gee its nasty outside maybe we should close for the day.

Dave got to have some fun with Megan when he got home from work this morning. She is the only one without a cell phone so she was not in on the fact there was no school. Dave in all seriousness went up to her room and yelled at her saying he thought she was suppose to get herself up and off to school and here it was 8am. She freaked. Then he smiled and said good thing its a snow day. She called him a jerk and went back to sleep.

It is still snowing pretty hard out and it is getting deeper and deeper but we are all home safe and sound inside a warm house and my horses are all tucked in for the night. I am running on 2 hours of sleep so I am off to sleepy land.

Stay safe, stay warm, feel loved.

TTFN

T minus 8 Days till Christmas

I can’t believe there is only 8 more days till Christmas. It really snuck up on us this year. Where did the year 2008 go? A lot has happened this year both wonderful and not so wonderful but we have survived once again to ring in a new year.

The kids have been really good especially the I want King, Sean, about not asking for anything for Christmas this year. I am proud of them that they finally get it. Christmas this year is going to be time spent with family we love with no pressure of that perfect gift or that crazy desire to please. It just isn’t happening. And we don’t have to travel to boot because everybody is coming down here Christmas eve. So the only real pressure is going to be the mad cleaning that once again needs to be done.

Megan was my great motivator to decorate this year. We set up my Christmas village of lighted houses and I even let go and let her put the ornaments on the tree by herself the way she wanted to. She was too cute she took all of them out of the box and grouped them into categories and placed them in clumps of theme groups. It actually looks good and very cute.

So I have 8 days to continue my quest to find those little things that I can place in the stockings for Christmas morning and hope the weather cooperates so everybody from my college boy coming home on Friday, to the family coming down on Wednesday happens.

Stay safe, stay warm, feel loved.

TTFN

I am a big fat baby but my arms hurt.
I had to go and get not only the flu
shot but also my first hep B vaccination
today before heading to the college for
my first taste of what my new place of
work will be. Ouch and boo hoo too!

Once again a great group of ladies at
the college that I worked with. All
with an awesome sense of humor and
laid back. They keep saying they
don't want to confuse me or overwhelm
me and so far they haven't been able to.
It will happen though and I know when.
As soon as I get access to the computer
and have to start using these programs
then the confusion will hit like a ton of
bricks.

So far the only tough thing about this
job is the amount of unplanned and
unwanted pregnancies that I have already
been privy too. I not sure how in the long
run I will process this in my crazy head only
time will tell.

Other than that I have yet another day under
my belt and so far so good. It feels wonderful
to be wanted and useful and have somewhere
to definitely go at least 2 days a week.

On to the second half of my day as taxi.
Stay safe, stay warm, feel loved.

TTFN

It is Sunday evening already. I didn’t get much accomplished this weekend but I also wasn’t running around like most weekends have been lately. We spent time as a family watching movies that we rented and decorated the tree and house.

My second day of work on Friday was just as great as Thursday. I worked in one of the clinics and met some of the nurses and other staff. They are a pleasure to work with. Monday I will get a taste of what I will be doing regular because I get to train at the last clinic at the college before school is out for the winter break.

The clinic I worked in on Friday wasn’t too bad busy wise we had a few cancellations so it made it seem slow but I was informed that it is a way different deal at the college and guaranteed to keep me hopping. Hopefully it won’t be too crazy I have to go and get my flu and hep b shot before reporting to the college. I hate shots but have to get them to work there.

I was hoping to receive a check this week from my subbing job but some one must have screwed up the time sheets because I didn’t get one. I was going to use a little of the money to at least get some stocking stuffers for the kids. They haven’t asked for anything this year because they know it isn’t going to happen but they do look forward to the stockings in the morning so I figure I should at least pull that off. I have been keeping my eye out for little things I can pick up here and there that fit the child.

I guess also that I am hosting Christmas Eve at my house for my husbands family. Means another mad cleaning will have to take place before hand. Good thing I decorated this year instead of blowing it off like last year. Megan was a big motivator. I couldn’t give her the real tree she wanted but the fake one looks good and will do for another year. At least we have one.

The grocery shopping is done, the bills are paid and the laundry is caught up so I can start my week off with less stress. We only have one swim meet this week also and then not another one till the 30th so it will be quiet on that front too.

Off to eat some dinner and hit the sack. I made myself stay up and not sleep all day today or yesterday so I am beat.

Stay warm, stay safe, feel loved.

TTFN

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Today was my first day of work in my new job. It made up for the first few crappy days of this week and the end of last week.

I went for my pre work physical yesterday and OMG. Half the appointment the PA was talking about her outside wood burning furnace and her troubles with the zoning board in her town. Then it was the rapid fire physical questions and brush off of my concerns, a quick glance at my awful blood test result and no comment on what I should do to fix it and then she informs me she can’t sign my form for work because my records were never transferred from my other doctor 2 years ago. She needed proof of vaccinations and couldn’t just write any random dates down.

So here I am trying very hard not to kill her because I have already put off starting work by almost 2 weeks because I had to wait to get in for a physical and she is telling me that 2 years ago the release I signed either never got sent or my other doctor never sent the records. So I pay my 25 dollar co pay for what?

I got home found my baby book record with the dates and was told that would be fine. I called my old doctors office but they never received a release and couldn’t fax the information that was missing till they got one. Called other doctor and they found the release in my file and I asked to have it faxed and hopefully they will get my records sent to them now. Can you guess what I was ranting about when I got done doing this? Once again I am suffering and having to do another persons job.
Good thing it all worked out and I was able to start work today.

My kids have always complained that at school they seem to have everybody unload their problems on them thinking they can fix them and I guess I also have the same problem I just never thought of it that way. I had some serious health concerns yesterday that I needed to discuss and none of which was even address except to have yet another prescription thrown at me for depression. My records will get there just in time for me never to go back there again. I have got to find a doctor that I can talk to.

Onto today. I filled out paperwork and timed my first day to the day they were having the new employee tea. They have it every 6 months to orientate new employees. Then I dove right in and learned about the filing system, the forms that they use, and information I will need for tomorrow when I have my first experience in one of the clinic settings. During the tea the director of the department I work for at the health department said she had a homework assignment for us. That being new and not familiar with the way things work around there we were to observe and if we see something that we aren’t quite sure why they do it that way ask and if we don’t like the answer and think it could be done an easier way she wants to know. They actually take and look at these and implement them if it seems appropriate. I almost cried. Then it just continued to get better as the day progressed.

It’s a very busy fast paced environment with a lot of people contact. It was 4 before I knew it.

So tomorrow I will learn more and hopefully love it as much as today. I really need to be working because I felt alive today for the first time in a while. I am needed and mostly wanted everyday from the people close to me but after a while it’s not enough. The adventure continues tomorrow.

Stay safe, Stay warm, Feel loved.

TTFN

Concerts

The second concert is over for the holiday season. Megan's was last week and Seans chorus concert was tonight and his band isn't till the 22nd. I usually get teary eyed at the concerts this time of a year. I think I am strange I hate the season but love the music. It did make me miss Ian a little tonight and his beautiful voice.

Its been a long emotionally tiring day I am off to bed to begin anew I hope tomorrow.



stay safe, stay warm, feel warm.



TTFN

You Cant Get Good Customer Service

I just don’t get it. Not at all. We went to pick up my car this afternoon. Simple you say, you would think all you have to do is pay your bill and drive away. You would think after paying 300 plus dollars to fix a car we only have had 4 months it would be vacuumed and washed and good to go.

I guess you would say we were lucky in a sense but it definitely was through the servant’s entrance how we got lucky.

The warranty didn’t cover the part that needed to be replaced. So I figured might as well get the oil changed at the same time because we had it in the shop already. Then I also figured I would finally have them show me how to unstick the middle seat that they “fixed” when we bought the car and worked in the parking lot but when we got it home didn’t work and its been stuck ever since.

Of course when we got there it was lunch time and all the mechanics were out and of course the manager couldn’t help us. Aside….Don’t the managers usually know how to do the job they are assigned to manage over?... Anyhow he said you can come back after 1 and they could show us how to make it work so we decided to do just that taking a short trip to window shop at Wal-Mart and good thing we took my car for that short trip. The change oil light was still on so Dave checked the oil color and it was iffy and then tried to see if it was the same oil filter he had put on a few months ago. He couldn’t say for sure but he seem to think we just got charged for an oil change that didn’t happen.

We returned for the seat fixing lesson and mentioned that they hadn’t reset the change oil light when as luck has it the mechanic that had done the work on our car was coming up front. He said he never did an oil change had missed it on the work order so why did they charge us for it. Good question another thing the manager should have picked up on when ringing us out. So we had to wait for the car to get the oil changed and he showed us what to do if the seat gets stuck again. An hour trip to pick up the car turned into 2 1/2.

Tears come easy these days and stress levels are through the roof so simple things that should be simple that aren’t well lets just say…..

I also realized I miss the local Ford dealership that went out of business recently. They would have done an excellent job, washed and vacuumed my car and even delivered to my door if needs be but they are gone. Small towns are a great place to live and work and for great customer service but unfortunately its becoming a think of the past due to this stupid economy. Instead I got crap service, charged for things not done, no clean car as a matter of fact they got mud all over my drivers mat and a large headache to boot. Merry Christmas……..

Stay Safe, Stay Warm, Feel Loved.

TTFN

Horse and Carriage Sounds Good Right Now

You can't find good

quality anything these

days. We bought the

new car about 4 months

ago because we needed

something that was

reliable and safe.

We spent a little more

than we should have but

it seemed the right thing to do

at the time. (I was working).

I have to figure out how to

come up with 300+ dollars

by tomorrow so I can pick it

up from the shop. Of course

the faulty part, the mechanics

words not mine, was not covered

by the warranty we got when we

bought it. Merry Christmas!!

I was going to use the when it

rains it pours analogy but I think

its too cold lol. So when it snows

it blizzards is more fitting.

I found out how much I am

reliant on the stupid thing

also not having it for the past

3 days.

So just one question remains

why did we go with a Ford

again???

Stay safe, Stay warm, Feel loved.

ttfn

College Search Is Now

Okay I lied about not writing again
till January. Sue me.

My daughter has begun her quest to
find the right college. I shouldn’t be
complaining at least she is looking a
little earlier than her brother so
when the time comes to apply she
should have a pretty good idea of
what she wants but….

She is mostly looking at colleges
out of state. If you know Sara you
cannot tell her anything if she has
her mind set one way. Our rule is that
you go to school at least within the state
of NY for the first year if not 2 then we
will discuss transferring else where.

It looks all exciting and romancy now
but really sucks when your 2000 miles
away and you realize nobody is there to
catch you if you fall.

She freaked out
and almost wanted to come home from
swim camp when her buddy backed out
on her at the last minute. It was the first
time she had ever been away from home
that far from home and for that long of
a time.

She says she cannot find a college that can
offer her the courses she wants to take for
the art degree she is looking for. I don’t
think its so much she can’t find any she
doesn’t want to. I located 2 SUNY schools
that have the basic courses that the one in
San Francisco has. And did I mention there
is NO WAY IN HELL I WOULD LET MY
18 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER GO TO THE
OTHER SIDE OF THE COUNTRY FOR
HER FIRST YEAR OF COLLEGE.

She only has a set amount of money in
her college fund and she needs to use it
wisely to get the most out of it as she can.
Loans are hard enough to pay off if you
are entering a profession with some stability.
I don’t even think she knows what direction
she is taking yet. And the fate of student loans
are number making it even more difficult.

So I guess I have a few more months to not
worry about it but will try and convince a
strong headed female that closer to home is
the better choice.

Stay safe, Stay warm, Feel loved.

ttfn

I DISLIKE THIS TIME OF YEAR IMMENSLY!!

Okay with that said I am still looking for that doctor that would like to start a new
business this time of year by putting people in drug induced comas till January 2.
Pretty sure we would have plenty of takers and would both be stinking rich.

I have been trying to roll with the punches as best as I can up till now but the “holidays” sap the reserves of positive thinking. I would ignore it all except every
where you turn you are reminded of it.

I was watching Dr. Phil yesterday and the topic was relationships falling apart because of the stress of the economy. It was mostly focused on the men in the relationship one was feeling like a losers because he couldn’t seem to support the family and was lashing out at his wife and the other didn’t feel like he needed to go out and get a job and laid everything in his wife’s lap. He has a law degree.

I have the pressure and stress of having to figure out how to pay bills with no money to pay it. So once again we are getting sucked into to the credit card void. I am mad that he went out and got the cards again but the flip side is that if it wasn’t for them we would be eating dirt and walking everywhere. But pretty soon even that will not be there.

So back to Dr. Phil, I feel a little like both guys. If I could find a full time job and suck it up we would be doing a hell of a lot better. Am I truly incapable of doing that or am I just being a baby. I have a hard enough time finding energy to do what I need to do on a daily basis as it is. I don’t have the educations for the jobs that would be fulfilling and the retail ones I could get will rob me of the time spend supporting my children in their various activities. I DON’T KNOW ANYMORE!!!

I promised myself that I would try and get into the holiday spirit this year. The past few years I have done minimal decoration and activity. I didn’t even make my yearly fudge for the teachers and bus drivers. I love the songs this time of year but not the actual holiday that’s weird in itself.

I know that there are thousands of families worse off than we are and don’t get me wrong I am grateful for the most part that we still have out home for now and that we do have food on the table. But the stress of daily concerns over the future of the basics needs being furnished not to mention the leaking roof, new car freaking out on me already, the camps the kids are already talking about for next summer, people and animals needing health care and the list goes on and on and on and I worry on an hourly basis.

So I think as I did last year this time since most of what I would write between now and the New Year will be mostly depressive and poor me ish I am going on “vacation” till next year. Have a safe and warm holiday see you on the other side hopefully.


Stay Safe, Stay Warm, Feel Loved Lots <3>

updates

Gee I was just looking back and realized I left all the
questions unanswered not that anybody really
cares or reads this except Ian and Dave.
I lost the fight of the laundry basket. I waited 5 days then
couldn't take it anymore so I removed it to the
back porch. The hubby has done it since then
but otherwise the oblivious remain oblivious.
I was just hoping for a little miracle it is that supposed
time of year for that type of thing right?

Sara did not pass her driving test. Part of me is glad
and the other is disappointed. She is doing really
well but I forgot to teach her a few important
things that I do automatically and didn't
even think to tell her. She did great on her
parallel parking and K turn so I did do somethings
right but he called her an aggressive driver.
Unless she took on an alternate personality
while taking the test I wouldn't call her
aggressive. So we have a little more work
to do and maybe figure out how to pay
for a few lessons and try again in a few months.

I did get one of the part time jobs that I applied
for it is at the woman's health center at
Suny Geneseo as an employee of the health
department. I went yesterday for orientation
and was going to start today. Once again
excitement turns to frustration when the snag
hit. I can't start till I have my physical and I
couldn't get in till next Wednesday. So now what
looked like some money rolling in before Christmas
has been back burnered till next Thursday
making me miss at least 5 days of training/pay.
I think from now on I will just not get excited
about anything and stay deflated maybe it will be less painful.
I took Ian back to college on Sunday and it will be
three weeks before we see him again. It was nice
to have him home for more than 2 days this last time.

Well the day has begun and the fighting shall commence
time to get the children up for school.
Until next time.........
Stay warm, Stay safe, Feel Loved

ttfn

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Count your blessings.

Appreciate what you have.

Hold onto the ones you love

and who love you.

Be Grateful.

Be Safe, Stay Warm, Feel Loved.

ttfn

Here I sit waiting for the pies in the oven to be finished. They smell fabulous.

We are doing turkey today and Friday. We are going to the in laws on Friday

but I always like to make my own turkey because when you eat at someone

Else's house there are no left overs. The left overs are the best part.



I am also sitting waiting for Sara to get up so we can go practice driving before

her test at 2pm. I wish the test was yesterday the weather was much better.

Sunshine and warmer than its been in a week but no its today with snow/sleet

going on outside. I guess we will be getting educated on slipper road driving

today too. We have heard they are more lenient when its snowy out so maybe

it will turn out to be a good thing. She is doing really well don't get me wrong

but everybody that has taken that test has got to remember the nerves no matter

how prepared you thought you were. Also when the test is done they tell you now

if you passed or failed. I remember the agonizing week waiting for the envelope and

hoping it was thin not thick.



I am off to take pies out of the oven and go driving managing to put a turkey in the

oven at some point in between.



Happy Turkey Day.



ttfn

Mount Washmore in the Bathroom

There is a battle of the wills going on

and I think I am the only one aware of it.

This is the laundry basket that I started

putting in the bathroom because they were

just throwing their clothes on the floor and

silly me figured if I put a basket there it would

make it easier for someone to take them to the back.

So I am waiting to see how long it will take before

someone decides to take it to the back laundry room.

Its on day 4 somebody will be missing that certain

cloth item they need or want to wear soon.

Stay tuned and and feel free to comment on

who you think will break down first.

To Be Continued.....

ttfn

updates

Well I didn't get rehired for my old job that in itself is a long boring story not worth getting into. But I got a call back from another job I applied for that is only 2 days a week but at least its something and gets my foot in the door at the health department. I will be working in a women's health clinic on a college campus. I am nervous as heck but am looking forward to a new challenge.

Speaking of challenges........
I have raised 4 very disorganized children and the youngest is falling into the trap and I am trying my hardest to pull her out. She is a very smart child but has trouble keeping track of things and turning homework in on time. She then turns it into stress and fights about getting up for school. Oh I so love a fight right before going to bed.

If this weather keeps up she won't have to worry about going tomorrow. It is beyond yucky outside. Off to bed to see what the morning brings.

ttfn

Sara For President

Heres a project that Sara put together for her chemistry class. Her teacher said its the best presentation he has ever seen. I just thought you would get a kick out of it. She was asked to think about doing something similar for the district for a competition to show what your school is about. She is excited about it. She was also named president of her chemistry class.

ttfn

I finally realized why I love horses so much and why I have a way with them. You have 2 types of animals, the fight or the flight type. Horses are flight animals, reacting to danger and strange situations with fear and running away and that’s me too.

I am so sick of people and personalities. I am ready to move into the woods with my horses and animals and live happily ever after, only having minimum contact on an as needed basis. Unfortunately it would probably only last a short time because in spite of it all I need human contact and people to talk to I just wish I would be drawn to real people not evil people out to rip your heart out.

I watch as my children seem to find the same type of people and in spite of trying to be a true friend they turn on them and rip their hearts out.

I have hardened some over the years but still tend to trust in the best in people only to be used and stomped on. Makes you wonder why even try anymore just become that hard as nails bitch and not let anyone close enough and scare everybody away with a look. But try as I might I can’t darn it.

I find this most lately in jobs I have done and applied for. Rejection is a whole other story but you do a great job only to get spit on and pushed aside I don’t get it. If that is how all employers treat employees no wonder we have such a lazy work force.

I am going through the nerve racking process of trying to find a job any job because we desperately need the money but one rejection after the other is killing me. I even checked into getting my old job back that I left in August that is how desperate I am. I broke my ass for 3 years and cleaned up a major mess before I left and I get the cold shoulder when I inquired. Um I think if it were them I would jump at the chance to have an employee that not only knows the job already but fixed it in the first place.

Okay I am done with the nobody likes me, everybody hates me, I’m going to eat some worms. I am just feeling very drained and unappreciated lately. Holidays always seem to just exasperate the feelings this time of year.

I will find out later tomorrow I hope if I got at least a part time job I interviewed for last week and go from there. Off to go down the hill yet again for another pickup/drop-off for someone or something.

ttfn

Sectionals and so much more!

Quick update then off to bed for me. The sectional meet went well. Sara came in 11th in the 200 free just like Thursday but she moved up a spot to 7th in the 500. Her 2 relays in the 200 and 400 free both came in 2nd. They were hoping for a repeat of the 400 free from last year but it didn't happen. They had nothing to be disappointed about, their time was even a little faster than Prelims but unfortunately not fast enough.

We finished 2nd over all out of 15 schools but the school that won shouldn't even be in our class but we keep creeping up on them every year. So they did well and finished the season proud of the accomplishment.

Now onto season 2 of boys swimming. No rest for the swim fan.

Stay warm, Stay safe, feel Loved.

ttfn

calm before the storm!!!!

In little under an hour I will have about 15 hungry teenage girls coming over for spaghetti to prepare for Sectionals tomorrow. Its a tradition to have a spaghetti dinner before each big meet and we finally got to host one.

The team did really well last night at the prelims. We had 3 school records broken and have at least one swimmer in each top eight event. It more than made up for the disappointing show at counties.

Sara has just missed out on the top eight for her 200 and 500 the past two years. She missed again in the 200 finishing in the bottom eight in 11th place. But she finished 8th in the 500 and she was wondering why I was crying. Silly girl. I know how hard she works and it just broke my heart the past 2 years when she finished in the bottom 8 but when it came time for finals she beat at least 3 of the girls in the top 8. That would be great if in the finals you can move up from the bottom 8 to the top but you can't so the best she could get was 9th. Well not this year in the 500 she is guaranteed at least 8th place but with the way they were all swimming last night anything is possible.

Both the relays she is on were smoking hot last night and it will be an exciting race for both I am sure. The 400 relay is going to try to repeat what they did last year and grab the sectional title. Sara was on that relay and again this year.

All this and Ian is coming home again this weekend. So by tomorrow night I will have no voice and will be ready to sleep for a week but its all worth it.

Stay warm, Stay safe, Feel loved.

ttfn

Hello Winter

I went for my job interview on Friday and I think it went well. It’s a job working in a women’s health clinic at one of our local campuses. It would only be 2 days a week with the possibility of more hours if needed but it would be a steady pay check every two weeks. It pays a good hourly wage more than I have ever made an hour before.

I felt pretty good when I went in and was even able to answer the lovely questions of positive things about yourself and why you think you would be good for this position. You’d be amazed what being the mother of 4 children will get you with an interviewer that has kids.

I should know by Friday if I got the position and if I do I will see if my old job is still available and try for that also. I am thinking the variety and the challenge of the new job would out weigh the boredom of the other one plus it would be a 4 day a week job put together and hopefully I can handle that.

I sat and thought long and hard to choose between the option above and the full time position at the school and decided to try for the two part time jobs. Physically I am having a hard time handling what I have on my plate right now. I really didn’t want to crash and burn but knew I still have to be a monetary contributor to the household. I realized I really never had a long term full time job, of course, if you don’t count being a mom, and sure I could probably do it but at what cost.

There is a light at the end of this financial tunnel that seems to be tightening around us. I cringe every time I put more on the credit card and plunge us deeper and deeper in that hole we worked so hard to get ourselves out of but we can’t avoid it right now.

Today is a day off for all thanks to our veterans. But not for a mother we have 3 different times to go down for practices today at school and so my day is going to be spent taxi driving.

Stay warm, stay safe, feel loved.

ttfn

Yesterdays election results were both a major up and a major down. Obama winning against McCain means I don't have to move out into the woods and live off the land while Ian writes the great novel. But the defeat of a lot of the things put to vote for equal rights being defeated was sad very sad. It was a tough loss but not the end of the fight I am sure knowing the people I know.

Yesterday also taught me what wonderful kids I have. I subbed in the Deans office as the secretary and OMG. The Dean of Students deserves a medal and a large box of chocolate. She was amazing to watch working with these kids. I didn't have much to do with it, but just watching her all day made me tired. It just made me appreciate my kids that much more.

Off to face another day and hopefully get some use out of the sunshine today.

ttfn

Rebel with a cause!!!!

It was a much quieter day today around here. Yesterday showed me that not only do I have fantastic kids but that I have a little of the rebel in me.

The full story of Sara’s protest started with not wanting to take a test that the guidance department gives every year to the junior class. The test is to pin point areas of interest and skill for possible career choices. Nothing wrong with that. The test is supplied for free to the district by the Armed Forces.
It is called the ASVAB and they send home a pamphlet to let the parents know what the kids are taking. No where on the pamphlet is there any mention of the Military being involved. The military administers the test, corrects the test, and then complies the data to send back to the district. The children when they are finished with the test sign the back allowing the military to access this information, which most being underage is illegal. Google ASVAB and you will get a rude awaking at least from my point of view. It helps the military pin point those children that would be most vulnerable to recruitment. Ian had mentioned something in passing 2 years ago when he took this test and I didn’t pay attention to it or take it seriously. He did the quiet protest by filling in one letter answer for all the questions.

Well an inside source at the school informed my daughter that she didn’t have to take the test. That it wasn’t mandatory and your parent could opt out on your behalf. She went with a friend who also didn’t want to take the test to do homework instead of reporting for the test but the room they were in the teacher was ordered to send them to their testing site. They were met in the hall by the guidance counselors and they were treated like misbehaving 2 years olds and told to report to the test. Well Sara got to the door and saw the men in uniform overseeing the test looked at her friend and said I am leaving you coming and off they went.

She called me and I went and picked them up and they proceeded to Google and check things out on the web printing out things for reference if needed. I in turn tried to call the school and talk to someone. 4 answering machines later the vice principle called me back and he was very helpful then a little later the principal called me back and said he was talking with the superintendent and was trying to figure out what was the back ground on this test and what the options are.

Don’t get me wrong I have no problem with the military in context. But I feel and have always felt that they do not belong in our school and after finding out more about this test, having access to our children’s records. Kids are vulnerable and starry eyed at this age and this test helps the military pin point which kids to target for recruitment. And in a rural area like here some kids thinks its there only hope.

On to today and the call from the superintendent, very nice man our new superintendent, he said it was his first knowledge of the test and that he agreed with me about the lack of information giving to the parents about what is going on. It was nice to deal with a rational human being for a change because the last run ins I had with the previous administration was not a pleasant experience. I once again expressed my concerns and about the lack of policy around this. He said they have a year to look into maybe alternatives and working up an opt out form letter sent out prior to the testing. Wow. But my suspicious feelings of the district will make me follow up on what occurs in the future and I am pretty sure Sara won’t let it go either.

So for now they don’t have to take the test and there is going to be no punishment for them either. I am very proud of my rebels when they are fighting things other than their father and me. They are strong young adults and look out world here they come. I was confused as to where Ian and Sara got the rebel gene from but a friend pointed out to me that I have it I have just suppressed it for a long, long time. Nothing like having kids to extract it from the deep dark hole it’s been hiding in all these years.

ttfn

These children are going to be missed when they are gone because my life will be so boring. But I said that to my hubby and we figured we could find something constructive to do with the time and energy we will have.

We survived Megan's slumber party and Ian is safely back at college, smoking now, but back at college.

He has decided to pick up the bad habit and when asked why are you doing it and give me one redeeming quality he said it helps him write. That and depression. I would rather him be a poor writer than smoking and depressed. But once again he is an adult, I can voice my concerns and dislikes but the ball is literally in his court. His little sister was in tears when she found out he was smoking and felt why should she care anymore because Ian obviously didn't.

Megan has entered into the teen hormone induced depression and she has hit the floor running with it. At least she is talking to us about it and is willing to find out how to fix it unlike some of her siblings that had to be convinced or have yet to agree about the problem.

Then there is my newest rebel, well not newest per say, just fighting against something other than her father and me. I will do a whole blog on the controversy over the test they are forcing our children to take when I get some feed back from the school but as it stands now Sara walked out on a test that is administered by the Armed Forces and there are a lot of problems I have with the Armed Forces being in the schools as it is so we are making waves and pursuing information and change.

All this on 3 hours of sleep. I just got off the phone with the high school principal and have to write down some of my thoughts before I lose them and then get a nap.

To be continued........

ttfn

Its "6:30" and the sun is coming up. It is such the trade off though. Now it will be light for the kids and me when they head off to school and I to work in the morning but it will be dark by 4:00. I hate this time of year.

I think the girls finally settled down at 4 this morning. I got up to salsa bowls and chips on the floor and girls all mixed up in sleeping bags everywhere. Wasn't sure how many I had but finally figured out I hadn't lost any over night. So if the the amount of candy wrappers, they ate most of Megan's Halloween candy, and debris is any indication that they had fun it was a smashing success. So now I hopefully will get so peace from Megan because I let her do this and she won't feel so slighted in the attention department.

I feel a little better after some sleep but I think I will get some more before I make pancakes for the ladies and send them on there way.

ttfn

Weekends are relaxing

Who ever said weekends are relaxing obviously doesn't have kids. There is nothing relaxing about most weekends around here. This weekend is no exception.



It started at 5:30am on Friday morning and hasn't let up yet. The dual surprise for Dave and Sara of going to get Ian to come home was only 4 hours of my day yesterday. That worked out really well though I think my husband thought his surprise included him getting lucky. Silly man. I also think I had him going thinking the surprise was me getting a tattoo.
Sara's reaction to Ian being home was loud and excited and so worth the 4 hours of driving.
Dave and Ian headed out for a relaxing night of dinner and a movie and I was off to drive everybody else downtown to trick or treat. It actually was the first year I didn't follow Meg and the gang around. Because of my ankle Sara took meg and her friends and I sat and had some coffee with a friend till they were done. Swim meet today that didn't go very well for the team but hopefully they can make up for it at sectional and got rid of 3 kids and gained 4. Megan is having a Halloween sleep over with some of her friends tonight so forget about any sleep tonight.
And my weekend will end getting Ian back to school tomorrow afternoon. I will need a long nap on Monday and so much for resting my ankle either.

Well I am off to pick up yet another child from somewhere else then hopefully I will be able to sit and elevate.

ttfn

Fight Fight Fight Everythings a Fight

When will this end? It is another week before we can vote and I just can't stand the t.v ads or the phone calls. Nobody is playing nice in the sand box. A dear friend flew from her home in Mass. to San Fransisco to help fight the Prop 8 madness going on there. I hope she is victorious because it just makes me angry to think that time and money has to be wasted on something that should be a given. The pressure is on and I am ready to explode.

And we go forward doing what we do every day. Taking care of our families and trying to be grateful for all we have even in the hard trying time. Hoping that next Tuesday will turn the corner we all so desperately need to live on.

Winter is here and the cold has arrived making everything seem more desperate. Bills to pay, heat to provide, doctors bills. How do people do it without insurance? We have it and can't afford the copay to go to the doctor.

I have an interview next week and hopefully my ankle will be healed enough to make a good impression and start subbing again next week. It definitely wasn't a good week for my body to fall apart. I think I will invest in duct tape futures haha.

But it all comes back to how very very lucky we are to have a whole family. We may be a little screwy but we are okay. As much as my children fight, and that is every chance they get, when the going gets tough their true colors shine through. Ian will be coming home this weekend to surprise his sister and cheer her on at counties for swimming and spend some quality time with his father who like me is ready to rip like paper, his analogy, which is right on the mark. He has the weight of the world on his shoulders and I am trying not to add to it.

We had a conversation the other morning and I stated that we are damn lucky. We love each other madly after almost 19 years and I don't know about him but I can't even imagine and don't want to imagine my life without him. And our kids are "wonderful" (sorry Sara about the quotation marks) and relatively safe and happy.

Case in point is the 16 yr old friend of Sara's that has been living with us for over 2 months now. Her parents kicked her out and it is a crazy story. She is a good kid. She is a teenage girl. Her parents are immature idiots. I would have been pounding down the door of the place my 16 yr old daughter was staying the next day after she left and try to work things out and get her home. They have called her maybe 5 times and wrote her a letter all just to remind her it was all her fault and she needs to fix it. It just breaks my heart so for now she is my other daughter and is welcome to stay as long as she needs to. Anybody can give birth not everybody deserves to be parents and unfortunately they are and the kids suffers. People are amazed we took her in and that in itself scares me. Why wouldn't I.

Well its time to put more Ice on the ankle gee just what I want to do my feet already feel like ice and get ready for another day ahead and closer to the end of this madness. I apologize for my rambling but I haven't written in a while and had a lot of random thoughts.

Love and safety to all.

ttfn

She's givin up on Men and moving on to Llama's

We went to visit Ian yesterday to take him a

few things like winter coat and boots. Gramma

came along to visit and see where her oldest

grandson is going to school. We loaded up the

needed items plus a few extras like gramma's

homemade apple pie, jumped in the car, with

Sara driving, and went to see Ian.

Sara wants to get her licence soon. She has been

getting in a lot of practice and the drive to

Fredonia was a perfect mix of traffic situations

to test her skills plus it was raining. I make a bad

passenger but survived the trip for the most part.

I tactfully took over torwards the end of each trip

just to get to our destination sooner. She is taking

her 5 hour course tomorrow afternoon and it won't

be long before she is legal. I am not sure how I feel

about it but it was bound to happen. Ian never pushed

to drive or get his licence but no such luck with the

girl here.

I keep trying to think of the positives that she can

do some of the driving around I do and give me more

time to do things I want to. Its not quite totally work-

ing yet but give it time.

Well its a beautiful day and I am off to carve pumpkins

and rake leaves.

ttfn

Did I Mention Lately that I Hate Football!!!!!!!!!

Well it finally happened. I got the call from Sean's football coach on Wednesday that only happens if they are afraid something is serious enough to check out. I tried to remain calm till I got through the doctor etc. and I did a really good job the only thing I did was keep repeating I really dislike football. Thank goodness it was just a bad case of whiplash but what will happen next time. Of course all Sean could think of is that he was missing the game the next day and might not be able to play in the last game on Wednesday. Plus how much pain he was in. Well its Sunday and he is feeling better and its off to the doctor tomorrow to get cleared for the last 2 practices and the last game of the year. I am thinking the schools should have any and all the equipment to keep our kids safe yet they don't. I need to go out and get him a angel collar so not only he is protected but I feel better about knowing I am doing everything I can to protect him. Can I afford to do this no but you gotta do what you gotta do. So for now he is whole and able to walk around and give me a hug but its going to make it even that much harder for me to be as calmly accepting of his choice of sports. Help......

ttfn

Football season is over for the modified.
All in all I think Megan really enjoyed it.
The team treated her, for the most part,
as one of the guys and all ended well. I
was apprehensive at first about her
embarking on a male dominated sport
but the coachs made the experience an
enjoyable one and treated her well. I of
course was afraid of the male ego, which
I did get from some of the fathers of the
other players, but the coaches showed me
that men can be fair and give the girl a
chance. I guess I will have to change my
generalization about male chauvinist pigs.
Dave recorded a game I miss and I finally
got a chance to she the girl in action. It was
probably her one and only tackle but she
made it count. I was just sorry I missed it.

So we are on to the next modified season and
soon the winter sports will begin for the high
schoolers. Never a dull moment thank goodness.

ttfn

Good Nite Sox

no more baseball this year the fat lady sang last night. they had no more snap crackle pop left. sadness reigns rest and come back strong next year.

Red Sox

They did it again. They won another game. They should be the poster team for amazing come backs. Even if they don't win tonight they still prove that it ain't over till the fat lady sings and I am not singing yet.

GO SOX

ttfn

I went back to high school today. It was definitely an interesting experience for me. I subbed as an aide and her job is to go to these classes and take notes and fill in worksheets so later they can help the kids in the resource room with homework if need be. It has been 20 some odd years since I took notes in school of any kind. Biology wasn’t to bad I was familiar with it enough to understand what was going on. English wasn’t to bad either because they were watching a movie the down side is it was interesting and I wanted to see it all. Law was gruesome because they were learning about defending a person with an insanity plea. So they used cases like John Gacy, Jeffrey Dalmer, & Charles Manson. Creepy. Chemistry was way beyond my skills and I just hope I wrote down the answers correctly and don’t screw anybody up. But my favorite class was the economics class. The teacher looked like Jerry Garsia from the Grateful Dead. He was laid back and had funny stories to tell. Good thing because the subject matter was rather boring.

Some one told me that if I were to go back to school my perspective would be totally different and it would be a completely different experience. I believe them now. I would definitely have to work on my note taking skills and such but I think if I can find the time and money I might just get my feet wet.

But for now my brain hurts and I am pooped I am not 17 anymore. Hey no cracks from the peanut gallery.

And the major humor for the day was the cartoon on the podium I was sitting in front of. I almost fell out of my chair laughing.
It was a picture of a kitten being chased by these monster type things and under it it said: “Every time you vote republican god kills a kitten, think of the kittens”.

ttfn

Homecoming Dance

Its the stud muffin and his date for the dance

Saturday night. He was seen dancing most of

the night in the middle of a large group of young

ladies but slow danced mostly with his date. Sean

had a great time and enjoyed the evening with

friends, music, and dancing. I got to chaperon

the dance and it was beautiful. The kids went all

out with getting dressed up and I didn't even

recognize some of them when I checked them in.

And Yes that is Sara. Her date decided to go with

some one else. His loss. So she hooked up with her

friend who happened to be in the sophomore court

to go to the dance with. Her tux matched Sara's

shoes so I guess it was meant to be. Sara suffered

through the dance and left early. But while she was

there she was definitely the most beautiful one.

No bias there from this writer.

I am so glad they got the throw back genes.

ttfn

Sick

I am not going to read the news anymore. It is beyond out of control. Between the economy, which I live on a daily basis so I don't need to read about it, and the war, which have you noticed has taken a big back seat to the election and our economy, I don't sleep, didn't sleep well as it is.

This rape of our country by the financial institutions is now taking casualties. So now they are not only not having to take responsibility for the oops money gone problem but add murder to that which I doubt will bother them anymore than the other. We have ninety year old ladies shooting themselves just before being evicted from a home they have lived in for 40 odd years and now a whole families future is ended because the father couldn't face the future as it was and decided to take his 3 kids, wife, and mother in law with him.

Usually when things like that happen I can't even fathom how someone could get to that point. I have been to the edge and back but never that far. The scary thing about these situations is I can see how it could happen. Live the dream, die the dream.

So as the "bailout" band aid is applied and things don't change and only get worse don't be surprise when the death toll exceeds that of the war. We should have been protecting things closer to home sooner. Thanks Washington for taking such fucking good care of us.

Vote, Vote, Vote, remove the boobs. Just try not to replace them with implants.

ttfn

just a quicky

Just wanted to do at least a Picture update.

The weekend was totally crazy and then

taking Ian back to school Sunday night.....

I will write later but here are some of the

pictures from the weekend.

The Junior Crew Dressed to match the float

The finished Head of Oz

The lollipop Girls all popped out at the end

of the parade.

The winning float. How do you compete against

horses.

ttfn

My day started with the tour of "the factory". Not so good memories from the past and not warm fuzzy feelings for the future. But what is one to do. I then came home and started to create, using my artsy crafty skills. It helped to pull me out of the OMG reality fog I started my day in. I created a head out of chicken wire and paper. Its for the sophomore float for homecoming. I also made a black and red tornado but they said the class already had made one and wasn't sure if they could use it. Oh well I will take it to the game if they don't .

Every year Sara's class comes up with these outrageous ideas which wouldn't be half bad if they didn't start building the float only 4 days before the parade. And being the perfectionist that she is she has to do it big and fabulous nothing less. So this year it is Wizard of Oz and the floating head of the fake wizard she has taken on. Yea right when and how between school and swimming? So I built it she painted it. It was fabulous of course. This all happened before her swim meet and after school. Then onto working on the float and the big bond fire and dance. I will post pictures of the finished product hopefully tomorrow night.

Home finally at 10:30pm wet and cold I find out that the college boy is smashed off his ass and its Thursday. He promised to keep the drinking only on the weekend. He broke that promise tonight. We will be having a discussion when I pick him up tomorrow to bring him home for homecoming.

I know some of it is the rejection he is feeling with the swim team and that makes me want to ream that coach even more. You couldn't ask for a more dedicated team member than Ian. He is a great moral booster and just a great person to have on your team. Everybody keeps telling me welcome to college sports etc. No I don't agree. He didn't give Ian a fair chance to prove himself. Even a new job generally gives you 2 weeks to prove yourself before second guessing a decision unless your a total screw up.

I got a call from my old boss yesterday because she was looking for something and was wondering if I knew where it was. I asked about the position and if she had filled it yet and she hasn't. I may beg for that spot back if I can get it beats the factory and at least its some money coming in on a consistent basis. I don't think I can handle the stress anymore. I hate money more and more each day the more and more I don't have it.

My kids are all some what safe and sound tonight. Everybody still loves me and I get to bring my boy home for the weekend tomorrow. Its a busy fun filled weekend with lots of events going on for homecoming. Parade tomorrow night and football game after. Saturday starts with Megan's football game and she is very excited because big brother will be home to watch it. Then a dance Saturday night which I was asked if I could help chaperon. My kids are mad and threatening to suffocate me in my sleep if I do it. Oh well they will just have to suck it up.

Okay its is time to hit the sack it has been a roller coaster of a day and my pillow is calling my name can you hear it.......Suzy Suzy Suzy zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

ttfn

Black Hole

Well its happened. I am back there again. I sold my soul to the temporary agency in town to work in the black hole of dansville. A place no one wants to work for long thus the use of the temp agency. I have pretty much run out of options at this point short of making it look like an accident so he can collect the insurance. I guess this wasn't a good time for me to run out of my antidepressants huh? Shoot me now.

It has rekindled the anger I have towards the way my other job ended. I could still be at least making some money on a regular basis right now if only I hadn't been so naive. Why do people have to be such assholes and I have to be so gullible? Becoming a hermit looks better and better every day if only I didn;t have so many freakin people dependent on me.

I go to pick up my college boy on Friday. He is coming home for the weekend. Its homecoming weekend. We saw him last weekend but it will be nice to have him home home for a few days.
My life feels so out of control and cattywampus right now it will be nice to have some normalcy again even if its just for a few days. Everybody home and under one roof. The simple things that make it better for a short time.

I have to have to have to pull up from this nose dive. So hopefully this weekend will help to put my feet back on the ground for a little while and avert a crash.

Off to my only escape I have at the moment excessive sleeping.

ttfn

I really need to get a job that pays half way decent so I can start drinking again.

But then if I had a half way decent job that payed well I wouldn't probably feel like drinking again.

We are once again in that zone of omg what are we going to do. I have not gotten a call to sub in over a week and things like groceries, gas and special things like needing a dress for homecoming are becoming impossible luxury's. The credit card is being used way to much but we have no other options right now. Gee I wish the government would give me 700 billion dollars and bail me out of the mess I seemed to have gotten myself into again.

My husband was saying isn't it great that you work at a job for as many years as he has and you still do not raise up in economic status because nothing else follows, everything else raises as fast if not faster then you salary. And in my case jobs hardly pay for themselves.

So once again it is onward ever onward trying to avoid the mud pit of depression and dis pare and tally forth with. Anymore sayings that I can come up with if only they worked lol.

ttfn

The Drama of the Swim Suit Mystery

Yesterday was suppose to be a fun day hahahahahahaha. My mother in law once again comes through when we need a helping hand.

Sara had an invitational in Webster yesterday and needed to be down at the school to catch the bus at 7am. She thought the bus wasn’t leaving till 7:30 but they called as we were heading down at 7 asking where she was. No problem right?

She couldn’t find her suit the night before and thought it must be in her locker but low and behold when she got down to the school it was no where to be found. So my plans of going home and getting a few more hours of sleep before having to drive to visit Ian in Fredonia was gone like the wind.

I spent the next hour tearing the house apart looking for her suit that if I did find I would have had to drive up to Webster, deliver the suit and turn right around and come home only to leave to go see Ian. Well I didn’t find the suit.

Usually there is a swim suit store selling discount suits and goggles set up at the invites and as luck would have it she was there yesterday. This is where the most wonderful mother in law in the world comes in. She not only rushed over to purchase a suit for Sara she stayed to cheer her on in the morning prelims and then returned in the afternoon to cheer her on in the finals.

In spite of the rough start Sara did very well. They were competing against 6 Class A schools, 1 other school from our Class C and one from AA. She finished 12 in the 500 over all, her 400x4 relay team came in 7th over all and their team ended up 5th over all. Not to shabby for a hick team from Dansville. I am just sorry I missed it.

Oh and I found her suit this morning in the dirty clothes basket which I went through 5 times piece by piece yesterday morning and it wasn’t there. I swear we have a brownie in the house that enjoys playing tricks.

ttfn

B+ Story

A TEACHER’S WRATH: HOW I CAME TO RESPECT THE WRITTEN WORD, AND OTHER STORIES

By Ian O’Brien

I acknowledge the fact that, as a human being, my opinions are not wholly my own. From an early age, I have absorbed, and admittedly regurgitated, the opinions of others. In the days of my youth, several people have been instrumental in the formation of my most basic of opinions, my undying live for books and my eternal tolerance of other persons.

The earliest memories of my father are of him reading. He read at the dinner table, on the couch, before his nap, before his favorite TV show, when I got home from school, all the time. There is always a book in his hand or within easy reach. He and my mom took me to the local library often and I would wander between the musty shelves just looking at the spines and trying to decide which to read next. If I picked out something that my dad thought was too hard for me he always had a suggestion for a substitute, and he promised to remember the books I had chosen for a later date. My dad has an immense collection of books that he lets me borrow from: books that he had read and is always happy to discuss them with me. He told me recently that “By keeping a large collection of books at home and constantly browsing the local library, I am continuing the legacy that my father shared with me”. At my grandparents house, in which I lived for several years, my grandfather has two full rooms where the walls are completely covered with books. Often I would take my action figures and play on the shelves; my imagination sparked by the colorful spines of those books. Many an imaginary battle was fought in those rooms and I can remember my grandfather chuckling quietly at my sound effects.

The single most defining moment where I learned, above all else, to respect books, happened in kindergarten. My teacher Mrs. Hillflicker, a charming woman of blonde hair and kind countenance, had passed out the day’s book, In a Dark Dark House. My class was split into groups of four and each group sat around a circular table. Each child had a book in front of them. Mrs. Hillflicker stepped out for a minute to go to the bathroom. The table across from mine became bored and started to playing with the books. Not playing as in making hats or planes or houses with them, oh no that would have been fine; this group got it into their heads to start an air hockey game with the books! They started passing them across the table, sliding them faster and faster. Then a boy, I do not remember his name, got bored of that potentially disastrous game and threw the book he had at another table. Chaos ensued. Soon all the other tables were gleefully entering the melee. Books were flying everywhere. My table took refuge below our table and grabbed what books we could to save them. A small knot of horror grew in my stomach. Then, we all heard a loud gasp, a sharp intake of breath that was to signal the end of playtime for these children for weeks. Mrs. Hilflicker stood in the doorway to our classroom, her hand at her throat and a comic expression of surprise on her face. I would have laughed had I been older. Then her face got red, very red, and she unleashed a torrent of tongue lashings that I have never heard the equal. the beauty was, she never swore. She completely humiliated the bad children, without foul language. I myself felt shamed even though I had not participated in the blasphemy of book throwing. To this day I can still hear her chastising the class whenever a book is mishandled.

Like tolerance of books, a tolerance of others has been instilled in me by my parents. I do not remember any time that they have ever honestly made a racist remark. They were quick to admonish me if I was too hasty with my judgment of anyone. My dad told me where his tolerance came from, “I learned tolerance of other people first by working at camps for many years as a teen and young adult. Meeting thousands of campers and working with hundreds of different people forces you to look for the underlying similarities in all of them. The most profound lesson of tolerance came from the rooms of AA. All of us, rich or poor, regardless of race or sex were there for the same thing. We all needed each other to stay sober. We all had been humbled, beaten and defeated by something beyond our control. We were all the same on the inside; we were forced to see beyond the outside. I have tried to teach my children to look into others, to see that we all have similar needs and not get stuck on outside appearances.” My mom, also a recovering alcoholic said essentially the same thing. The most concrete example of what has shaped my tolerance comes from my grandmother. She is a small, hearty woman; quick to laugh, and quick to bake a pie. While living with her when my family was between homes, we went to the store together to gather ingredients for one of her delicious apple pies. We went along joking and laughing. I always had a question about everything and everything provoked a question. We were passing down the bread aisle when a black man entered the aisle from the other end. Now this in itself was not a rare occurrence, but I had heard in school that day from on of my friends that black people smelled really bad; his father had told him so. So, I held my breath as we walked by. My grandmother noticed the pause in my endless stream of questions and the slight bluish tinge to my face. Naturally she was curious. When I let out my breath and greedily sucked in more air, she asked me why I held my breath. I told her of the school day and my slightly rebellious stomach and that I didn’t want to chance smelling the black man. She laughed long and loud, we elicited more that a few looks, and I though she was about to burst, “E” she said (she called me E for short), “People do not smell based on the color of their skin, you shouldn’t lump everyone in a category, take each as a separate part.” I had not fully realized the meaning of the words until later, but the way she said them made them stick with me.

As a human sponge, I have absorbed many opinions in my lifetime; my love of books from my father, and my fear of damaging them from my kindergarten teacher Mrs. Hilflicker. I have learned tolerance at my mothers knee and from the laughter of my kindly grandmother.