I suck at this blog thing,

But I figure it will be a diary of

sorts if I could only figure out how to print them all out.

I am hoping to look back in a few years

and laugh. No where near that right

now. Ready for that last shovel of dirt to

land and I will be in a drunk induced "coma".

It is finally snowing and of course it has

to be on the weekend of Ian's play. Oh well

I plan on taping it if the family cant make it

through the snow.

I got to drive and undo my chiropractor

visit on the way home because it was

snowing so bad I couldn't see where I was

going. And I was driving Dave's

pickup with no weight in the back to boot.

I love my chiropractor. She is a massage

and therapist all rolled into one. She is a good

listener and has good advice. I have been going to her

for over 5 yrs now and she has been through a lot

with me. The stress of the season is taking its toll

and we talked about how we should put a moratorium on

the holiday hype. That we should go back to stringing popcorn

and spending time with family and that being enough.

No expectations.

I think my drug induced coma would happen before

that but its nice to dream. The kids are gonna have

to settle for the popcorn stringing and family time.

Well I have to go brave the snow and tuck my

ponies in for the night so I can crawl into

bed and sleep away this headache and

pain.

ttfn

It's the end of a very long weekend.
Much has been done and shared
over the past few days and I am ready
for a vacation. The children return to
school and sports and the holiday
season starts full blast. I am ready for my
drug induced coma.

It is a good thing I don't drink anymore..
it could be ugly.

We have tried throughout the years to
teach our children that they are cursed
with the alcoholism gene on both sides of
the family. That it would be a good idea not
to drink at all ever. That the beginning fun they
experience would be short lived and they will take
a very hard painful path that can end one of 2 ways,
pain and suffering, hurting everyone you touch in your
life then waking up 15 or so years down the road and
realize you need to fix your life losing those years and
opportunities for ever or you don't stop and die a miserable
death.
We have been talking to deaf ears.......
My experience has been a double edged sword. I went
through the pain and suffering, suicidal times, depression,
etc. and it is a miracle I survived. But if I hadn't join AA I probably
would have never met my husband and had the kids I have today.

Is it wrong to want to stop my kids from making the same
mistakes their father and I made and to take full advantage
of their brains and physical abilities now and forever and not
flush it down the toilet. I know they have to make their own
mistakes but that doesn't make it any easier on us. These are
life changing mistakes that you can't take back if you choose the
path.

I guess I just keep on talking and hoping that it will sink in one
of these times. That the light will go off in the teenage fog before
it gets to the point of no return. I tell them I love them no matter
what. I will always be there for them. And hope that if they find
themselves in a corner they will reach out for my hand to help
them back.

It has been hard these past few months physically, mentally, financially and faith wise.
its been hard to see through my own fog and I guess I have been blind to some of
the things going on around me. One foot in front of the other is about all I have been
able to handle lately. It would be easier I guess if you didn't throw in the stress of
the fucking Holiday season and everything associated with it. Well onto a new day and
a new chance for life to smooth out.

ttfn

After searching high and low for

the cable for the camera here are some

pictures of the recent work that we

finished and the new addition to my kitchen.

This is the new to me china cabinet

and side board from my sister.

These are pictures of the finished hallway

in the landing at top of the front stairs.

The boarder was improvised. We tried to
put it up in a strip like your suppose to

and it didn't work so we cut each flower

and put them up staggered pattern and it

worked out great.

On to the next project

ttfn

Wow I forget how long a day Thanksgiving is.

I started at 5:45am and went full blast

till crawling into bed at 11:30pm.

It was a very productive day for me not only

do I have enough food to feed the family for

the next few days I also found my kitchen.

It was lost but now is found.

It was bad enough in the first place but

add the contents of the back porch, ( we

put down carpet back there and it is

amazing), I got a new to me China Cabinet

and side board from my sister so I had

to clean out the cabinet I had in the kitchen,

(one of those black hole things), and all

the shoes waiting to decide where to put

them.

It took over 4 hours of sifting

to finally declutter and get rid of

stuff. One thing was Tupperware. It always

makes me ponder when I sort out the Tupperware.

Lids that don't match container and containers

with no lids. It is like the socks with no mates.

A mystery that will never be solved.

I also found gadgets and dodads that I haven't

used in 10 years. When all is done with the

decluttering throughout the house Salvation

Armies trailer better be empty when I pull up.

My in laws ended up coming here for dinner.

They were not doing anything and were just

waiting for Saturdays get together at Marks.

Yea right not!!!!

It was nice to have her come down and ooo and

aww over what we have accomplished the past

few weeks since last she was here.

We pick away and do things here and there

and don't really get the full blown effect

like an outside party.

Plus the whole overwhelming factor

kind of blinds us to the positive things

being the pessimist that we are.

But you know the saying "if I didn't

have bad luck I wouldn't have any

luck at all". We could be the poster

children for that one especially lately.

We have 3 more days in this weekend

and hopefully we will survive. I hate vacations

especially when its cold the children tend to bite

each others heads off constantly. I spent most of my

morning yesterday yelling "stop that".

I am off to shave my head again and then to

some fun at the pool for a "hasbeen wanna be" meet

seeing some old friends and laughing for a while.

ttfn

Thanksgiving?

Tomorrow is the best holiday!

Until after you stuff yourself and want

to die.

I love Thanksgiving. It is one of the

lower maintenance holidays, cost and effort

wise. And the reward is excellent.

It is also one of the few times of the year

that the 6 of us sit down together for

a meal. Just us know one else to

worry about or have to impress!

Then the "holiday season" leading up

to Christmas and New Years begins.

I decided I need to find a doctor that would

be willing to put me in a drug induced

coma till January 2. I should draw up

a business plan and start a business that

offers the service. I would probably make

millions and get to sleep through too.

I use to love Christmas when the kids

were smaller. I would decorate the house

and bake cookies.

Trying to make it as magical as

I could for them in every way.

This year I think we will

be lucky if I set up the fake tree with lights

only. The cat will knock it down anyway.

It is the expectations, self imposed and

people imposed that I can't live up to

this year. Life is very rough right now

and I don't see things changing anytime

soon. We are just doing what we have

to to survive and hoping for a

break.

And don't even get me started on New

Years.

So I will sit back and be thankful

that my family is safe and warm.

We have food to eat on the table for

now. We have a family that loves us.

And I will try to have hope

for the new year.

Love and warm hugs.

ttfn

I received a smile in an envelope today. Usually the mail is full of bills we can't pay and college brochures that remind me my baby will be going to college next fall but today was different. It was just a simple card with a simple saying,

"good friends are like stars. You don't always see them, but you know they're always there."

I am not sure but I think it was to let me know she finally broke down and got the "mini van". Welcome to suburban housewifedom.

Much needed hug and laugh from a dear friend.

I guess I never understood the mini van thing. I had one for years and with kids they are definitely an asset. I got a station wagon a few years back and it was nice as a change for a little while but I will always be a mini van lover. Oh well it could be worse I could have had a gun rack in the back. Suburban Redneck housewife and proud of it.

ttfn

Quiet??

It seems quiet lately. No meets or games to go to for almost a week now. You don't realize how crazy it gets till it isn't anymore. A couple of more weeks and the meets and matches start again.

I don't like it when there is a lot of time on my hands. To much time for the brain to work overtime. I have been trying to keep busy with the projects around here but am finding it hard to do much of anything. I am hoping that since I started swimming again last week 2 days a week that my energy level will get better and my body will stop falling apart. It feels great being able to swim again even if it is just 2 days a week this year. I really missed it.

My hubby and I are getting pretty good at this decorating on a very slim budget thing. We are trying to scrap together the money for the last minute touches and solved 2 problem area's very frugally. I think we should do a show on HGTV. We have found anything can look good and if there is a problem there is 3 solutions. Trim, molding, and wall paper. Its amazing what a little molding can cover up.

Megan and I were having a discussion about Christmas trees. I am seriously thinking about not putting one up this year. You would understand my reluctance if you had met the new member of the family. Jr. the royal pain in the butt cat. I say what is the point when he will have it destroyed in 10 seconds. Oh well we will see maybe I will put up the fake one again this year.

Well there is a munchkin hanging on my shoulder and I have to go pick up other rug rats from various practices here and there. Here is to the quiet at least for a few more weeks.
ttfn

WOW

It is Sunday.

Quiet and peaceful because everybody else is

sleeping peacefully.

Here I am awake since 4am.

Awakened by the cat again then the head starts

to race so forget going back to sleep.

The craziness of the week of sectionals is over

and the anxiety is back.

The only ones thrilled I was awake so early were

the cat and the horses.

I usually just toss hay at the girls in the morning

and rush inside but I did my chores instead and hung out.

Really wasn't in any hurry to get back inside this morning.

It has been a crazy week. I looked to see the last time

I wrote and it was Tuesday.

Sara had prelims for sectionals on Wednesday.

She didn't do as well as she had hoped she

ended up in the bottom 8 again this year

in her 200fr and her 500fr. But she wasn't

to upset about the 500fr because she

finally broke 6 minutes.

Granted it was only a 5:59.47 but still it was under 6.

Imagine my reaction if you will,

if I could have done a back flip I would have.

She then had a sort of swim off with one of her team mates.

They both swam the 400fr relay and the one to

swim the fastest 100 time got the spot for sectionals.

Sara beat her team mate by

1/100 of a second to get the spot.

Fast forward to Saturday. I dropped Ian off for

practice at 6:45 along with

Sara to catch the bus up to Webster for

sectionals and headed up to meet

a good friend for breakfast that I haven't seen in forever.

Then we got to the pool an hour

early to get good seats for the meet.

Sara started out with almost winning her 200fr heat.

It was against a girl she has been trying to catch all year.

It was a great race and she lost by a finger tip.

Next she swam the 500fr.

She won by half a length of the pool

and her time................

5:54.37.

She looked up at me

with the biggest smile I have seen on her face and

of course multiply my reaction from Wednesday by

50. Then to finish off her day they won the finals for the

400fr relay and she finally got her sectional patch which

she just missed out on last year.

The team finished 2nd over all out of 14 teams

and one of our seniors got swimmer of the meet.

The first place team

shouldn't even be in our section

and beat us last year by 287 point.

This year they only beat us by 51.

Now its onto Boys Varsity Swimming and

my second senior night.

The tissue companies will be getting rich off me this year.

The ADD kicked in I just went into the kitchen to get

a mug of tea and 45 minutes later I realize I was in the

middle of writing. Well it wasn't wasted time,

the kitchen is uncluttered.

So its back to reality. Boo hiss. Back to bad report cards,

lying children, work to be done around here, sucky job,

finances, bad health, hair falling out, and itchy dogs.

I think I will go out to the barn again

and hide for a little longer.

ttfn

I worked yesterday on my day off. Not at my craptastic job but as a sub aide in a elementary school. It was awesome. I guess I was approved for the sub list and they called Sunday night to ask if I could come in on Monday. I felt like I was gonna throw up. But now I did it and survived, not only survived but enjoyed myself. It was fantastic to be around rug rats again. I got to float to three different class rooms working with 4th and 1st graders. I even ate the school lunch and have come to the conclusion that I was an unique lunch lady. Why do lunch ladies have to be so gruff and mean? In this case she was also down right rude. Oh well that was the only ugly person in my path yesterday so I guess the rest of the experience cancels it out. So now I know I won't burst into flames if I sub so I think I will attempt to get on the sub list at our school. I figured I would try out of town just in case I sucked lol.

I went into work at my craptastic job today and had a heated talk with my boss shortly after arriving today. I lost it. Add hormones, exhaustion, stress and built up resentment and boooooommmmm. I told her that the job sucked and I did what I could to keep it together because I really need the job right now. She was complaining about me wearing my ipod while shredding and checking microfilm and I looked at her and couldn't believe she was saying what she was saying. "we need to look professional and when you have those things in your ears you have to take them out to talk to me and what if someone came in, fucking fat chance of that happening, and your phone rings and you don't hear it, duh can't hear it over the god damn shredder etc. I told her if i didn't have the music I would have quit a long time ago or shredded myself. I also reminded her I was told when I was hired that I could listen to music and take breaks when ever because of the type of work I do. You need to do that to keep what little sanity I have left.. OMG she is such a I don't know what. She also went off on the time thing again too and I wanted to slap her. She is the only other person in the office and she is beyond annal. She once again explained that I am a salary employee and some times you have to stay a little longer but you can't leave early to make up for it. I am suppose to work from 8 to 4. So I guess if a delivery comes after 4 I won't be there from now on. Sorry my hours are 8 to 4. I give more and work through lunch a lot of times so they are getting more than there freakin 8 hours usually. I am honest with her about the hours I work and was writing them on my time sheet till she got in trouble for me not working 8 to 4. She is a "christian woman" and does not like to lie. But didn't she cut her lunch short the other day so she could leave a half hour early? They don't come right out and ask so I told her she wasn't lieing anyway. So I guess from now on I will keep my time to myself and work my 8 hours and leave. I can see her point but don't seem to get the no gray area thing. Shit happens and we need to be flexible especially when kids are involved. God My head is gonna explode. I am a great employee with the work I do both quantity and quality. Calgon take me away!!!!!!!!!

The cold is finally here and I am a big baby. I have a hot shower with my name on it when I get back from picking up Sara from the pre meet spaghetti dinner. I took the day off tomorrow so I can go to sectional prelims for Sara's swim team. I need to rest up to cheer loud. Then Saturday is the big day. We will have a good cheering section this year with Gramma and papa, maria, Ian and myself. Go Mustangs!!

Out to brave the cold to pick up the swimmer.

ttfn

Spring Cleaning Wait its Fall!!!!

I proved to myself once again that I am no longer a spring chicken.

We had another beautiful fall day yesterday and I didn't want

to waste a minute of it. I have in years past procrastinated for to long

putting away the stuff from the front porch and raking leaves till its sooooo

cold. I had my help home for the first time in months so off we went.

Sara being on taper for swimming of course got the easy job.

She was sitting on the roof, which she loves, flinging

gross stuff from the gutters at the wheel barrel which of course her

younger brother was moving for her.

You conclude the rest, lets just say Sean needed a shower.

Meanwhile Ian and I where raking the yard and cleaning off the front porch.

The sad thing is the raking will continue. Wish we lived in Camelot where

the leaves fall into neat little piles then blow away completely at night of course.

And then of course there was the lawn to finish mowing and the barn to clean.

8 hours later I was dragging myself into the house for a well deserved shower.

I haven't pulled an all day outside cleanathon in a long time and my body is reminding

me this morning why. Pass the Advil.

It is suppose to be a yucky day today that is why I saved wallpapering for

today and did all the outside stuff yesterday. But at this point it looks

like a beautiful sunrise and not to cold. Good thing I got most everything

outside done yesterday.

My fantastic mother in law came over on Thursday to help me get started

on the wallpapering and it looks amazing.

The wallpaper was a bargain find at 3 dollars a roll.

Not sure who is going to help me today but it will be a poor

substitute.

ttfn