It's the end of a very long weekend.
Much has been done and shared
over the past few days and I am ready
for a vacation. The children return to
school and sports and the holiday
season starts full blast. I am ready for my
drug induced coma.

It is a good thing I don't drink anymore..
it could be ugly.

We have tried throughout the years to
teach our children that they are cursed
with the alcoholism gene on both sides of
the family. That it would be a good idea not
to drink at all ever. That the beginning fun they
experience would be short lived and they will take
a very hard painful path that can end one of 2 ways,
pain and suffering, hurting everyone you touch in your
life then waking up 15 or so years down the road and
realize you need to fix your life losing those years and
opportunities for ever or you don't stop and die a miserable
death.
We have been talking to deaf ears.......
My experience has been a double edged sword. I went
through the pain and suffering, suicidal times, depression,
etc. and it is a miracle I survived. But if I hadn't join AA I probably
would have never met my husband and had the kids I have today.

Is it wrong to want to stop my kids from making the same
mistakes their father and I made and to take full advantage
of their brains and physical abilities now and forever and not
flush it down the toilet. I know they have to make their own
mistakes but that doesn't make it any easier on us. These are
life changing mistakes that you can't take back if you choose the
path.

I guess I just keep on talking and hoping that it will sink in one
of these times. That the light will go off in the teenage fog before
it gets to the point of no return. I tell them I love them no matter
what. I will always be there for them. And hope that if they find
themselves in a corner they will reach out for my hand to help
them back.

It has been hard these past few months physically, mentally, financially and faith wise.
its been hard to see through my own fog and I guess I have been blind to some of
the things going on around me. One foot in front of the other is about all I have been
able to handle lately. It would be easier I guess if you didn't throw in the stress of
the fucking Holiday season and everything associated with it. Well onto a new day and
a new chance for life to smooth out.

ttfn