Mother

I try so hard to focus on the positives in my day as much as I can but seem to get bogged down in the smothering waves of life's circumstances. I know that I am blessed with 4 wonderful children I can be proud of and that love me and a husband that has been more than patient with me these past 17 years. I also realize that I have come an amazing long way from that suicidal 20 yr old who was so lost and confused. Things are getting better. We will make it through this mess once again and come out the other side a little wiser and a little stronger. Because you know what they say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

These rambling thoughts were part of a email I sent back to my mother. She had asked to view my blog and I hesitated to send her the address not sure how she would react to some of the content. She reiterated that she did the best she could with what she had to work with and I understand that. I to on a daily basis do the best I can with what I have to work with and strive to change what isn't working and try a new path. I love my mother very much and I know she loves me too. She mentioned the painful past that she couldn't possible revisit at her age of 73. I don't know much about my mothers childhood or past so I really don;t know what she had to work with her 73 years. I realize I really didn't know much about my fathers life when he was younger either. Didn't really get to know the grandparents or aunts and uncles. Never really had a family outside of the family of 7 Kelly's. Too many secrets buried in the closet. Mom said at her age you can't put off till tomorrow because you don't know if there will be one so each moment of each day is precious. That is very true and I am working hard to do that everyday and feel guilty when I sleep my day away but baby steps baby steps.

things are getting better. we will survive with the love and support of our friends and family. Without them I am nobody going nowhere.

My gratitude 3 list:
1. That I came home to a hot meal prepared by the husband.
2. For my chiropractor.
3. That I am able to work.

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