I hate myself. I hate my passive walk all over me I am a door mat part of myself.
I need to go to school to learn how to be assertive, not aggressive but assertive. My back is killing me because I wasn't assertive last summer. Huh you say. The neighbor that bales my hay for my horses didn't do enough for me. I knew it wasn't enough for the season and passively said something to him to no avail. So now I am paying him 25 dollars for a large round bales to feed my horses and its a royal pain in the butt. Much more labor intensive than using square bales. And the kicker the round bales came out of our field and he sells them. Can you say sucker. I am trying to find someone to buy some square bales from but this time of year its hard to find and when you do they rape you in price. Well this year I am going to be definitely firm on how much hay I need him to bale for us and not take no for an answer. I have till June/July to mantra myself into it ha ha.

We had a house full of men and boys today playing their army games. My hubby's brothers come up with their boys and they all play games for the afternoon. It is so nice to have them be able to connect like this usually once a month. My boys are getting so big and soon the biggest will be off to college. I passed another mother the other day going into to the high school for the third time and she laughed and said she only had one kid she can't imagine doing it times 4. I realized that when they are gone I will be so bored. Empty nest syndrome will hopefully not kill me. Ian just got his card for his savings account we opened the other day and I cried. He has a job and is saving his money for junior prom and college. Sara also opened a savings account to save her money from her job. They are going to fast for me I want to hit the pause button. Oh well I guess I just have to sit back and enjoy the ride while I can and face the rest when it comes. They definitely make it hard to stop most of the time to ponder because of the various activities they are involved in like the play and sports. Only 4 more days till the opening night of the play.

So my gratitude three list for today is:
1. gathering family in friends to spend fun time together.
2. corn beef and cabbage
3. for a semi clean and decluttered house and I didn't do it all by myself.

ttfn