STUBBORN

Why am I so stubborn? Why do I feel that people would not be happy to help in times of need?
It has been proven time and again that there are some great people in my life that would do
just about anything for me yet I still find it hard to reach out and ask. I am an idiot feeling like
a bother and not wanting to put anyone out. My dear friend, scout buddy, and horse pal who loves me for who I am warts and all asked when the surgery was and said send any or all of the kids to stay with her if I want to get rid of them for a few days to make it easier on my hubby. Sean is going to go over to hang with his buddy Jake. But I love her to much to send more haha.
And she has offered to drive my kids to and from regent exams and anything else that needs to be done.
She even offered to come work my horse for me. Why do I not feel like I deserve friends like this? Even when my hubby said he wanted to take a family leave to be there for me my response was you really don't
have to do that. My husband and sister both said I am being unrealistic about the time frame of recovery and I need to not be a dumb ass and push too soon. Then there is a woman from the church I use to go to that still gives us cookies on special holidays and is offering to bring in meals for my family while I am in the hospital. She doesn't care that I don't go to church she still loves me as a friend anyway. Even one of my best friends from high school who helped us out earlier this year with
some of our financial woes, it was the most difficult thing for me to ask her for help even though rationally I knew she would.
I know I can't do this alone, I don't want to do it alone but the two sides are fighting. I don't want to be a bother. I don't want to put a strain on my hubby financially and emotionally. I don't want to be helpless and dependent. I am mother and I take care
of everything around here. Everything will fall apart without me. Stop laughing.

When we first found out about the mass from my ultrasound and that it would be three weeks before we found out if it was
benign or not we decided not to bother anyone in Dave's family until we knew what was happening. Well I got firmly told I was an idiot and that they are our family and that's what families are for and never do that again.

So I guess the moral of the story is that family and friends are the foundation of our life and with out them we would sink into the mud and mire of our lonely existence. I need to sing the song "Lean on Me" ten million times then maybe it will sink in
my thick, stubborn skull.

Lean on me, when your not strong,

and I'll be your friend and help

you carry on.

ttfn