On More time WHY DID WE HAVE CHILDREN???

Once again I am asking myself
the questions why did I give up
drinking and then have kids?

I should be walking out the door
in an hour to drive to watch my
son swim in probably his last meet
of his highschool career. His last
chance to qualify for sectionals.
Instead I will be going to watch
his team try and make up for the
fact that 4 of their team mates
made a poor decision and can't
swim for the points they would
have needed to win. The other 3
boys already qualifed for sectional
and will be swimming again in 2
weeks since the suspension will be
over by then. But Ian is done.
And the kicker of it all is that he
had already shaved his face and
head before finding out he was done.

His sister is missing a meet today as well.
But she has a few more in the season so
her plite is not as bad.

They have pretty much blown it this time.
For the rest of their time here at home they
won't be going anywhere or doing anything
without major research on my part. And that
is the funny thing about this time. I felt I had
done what I needed to do to make sure they
were doing what they said they were doing and
yet once again........ I am removing the sucker
sign from my forehead for good.

They are good kids like everybody keeps
telling me but they keep making bad
choices and one of these times those
choices will end badly. I had past ghosts
brought back to full force after this one.
Past could of, should of, desicions from
a million years ago.

So they are both on a very short leash and
were told that if I ever find out about any
drinking or drug use thier asses will be in
a treatment facility so fast their heads won't
have time to spin. The trust has been shattered
so badly this time I am afraid it will take quite
a long time if ever to get back.

The extremes this week could not have been more
extreme. On the plus side Thursday we went and
signed all the papers to get out of the mortgage
mess and it will all be final Tuesday. And
Dave came home that morning flying high after his
evaluation because he not only scored the highest he
could for the merit raises, ( which unfortunatly they
aren't getting this year but will help next year if they
do) but he got a large increase for his yearly raise.
Its will help defer some of the lost income from his
lost per diem job and give him time to look for
another position. I guess his profession is a dieing
one so they are trying hard to keep the ones they
have from jumping ship and going elsewhere.

Well I am off to shower and head out hopefully
being able to keep myself composed and supportive.
Wish me luck.

ttfn