Here I sit looking at my

cell phone trying to resist

texting Ian.

I got home last night

after dropping off my

baby at college and

immediately signed on

to my AOL messenger

which I haven't done in

forever. I wished my

baby a goodnight,

sweet dreams over a

computer instead of when

he was heading up the

stairs to his room. It

didn't really hit me then

but wow it is really hitting

me now.

Kept telling myself yesterday

and last night keep it cool,

its not that big of a deal (haha)

he isn't that far away and I know

he will be okay. His roommate

seems nice, the room was much

bigger then the one he stayed

in for orientation and I, like all

good mothers put away his stuff,

made his bed and took him to the

laundry room and showed him

how to use the washer and

dryer. No need to fall

apart. Well cool isn't how I would

describe myself this morning.

I have so much to do right now

and I can't seem to bring myself

to do any of it. Every where I look

reminds me my baby boy is not

here.

The thing is he will be fine, he

will be having the experiences

of a life time and he will enjoy

it. But that doesn't change

the fact that he isn't here and

after 18 years of having him

close to protect and hug when

ever I wanted to will be a

wee adjustment for me.

Sorry took a break had to

text him.

I am proud of myself for not

leaving him with a hysterical

fit last night and proud of his

father too! I thought for sure

it would be the impossible task

to not fall apart but you could

tell how nervous Ian was, mostly

because he didn't kick us out after

we set up the room, and I didn't

think it the right thing to do to him.

So I guess I will plug away at the

mess here at home after being away

for a week, prepare for my last week

of work and the lovely task of finding

a new job, get my other children ready

to start school next week, and get back

to the stress of the day to day survival.

And try to ignore the big hole in the house

which hopefully will not be so painful to look

at after a while, haha me funny.

ttfn